Reply To: Approval Seeking and Desperation

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good stuff by Eric there. Also something to add is that some of these things are ok if you’re doing it on your own terms. If your natural inclination is to smile, and you say “wait–she might think I’m seeing approval so I won’t smile”, well that right THERE would be approval seeking, since you’re changing all of your habits to get her to “invest” in you.

Sometimes you can tell how you’re feeling. Did you smile because you generally felt good about something you guys were talking about, or because you felt like you were supposed to, or because you were nervous? The former is a good smile–the latter is a bad one.

Same with things like “wow” and “cool”. Yeah, don’t use them much. But if she just got back from a research trip to Antarctica, and you’re impressed, I’d say that deserves a wow. But invest in it. “Wow–that sounds like quite a project. That’s something I’ve wanted to do since I was young” or whatever.

Ultimately you want to be relaxed and not feel the need to apologize for who you are. To her, yourself or anyone.