Reply To: Making the effort in dating

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You always want to be wary of showing that you are more invested in the relationship than her when you are in the early stages of dating. I cannot count the amount of crushing defeats I’ve had where I met a really nice girl, got excited, put my cards on the table too early and blew the whole thing. It’s probably the reason I’m on this forum today, still learning.

However, it does depend on how much the girl likes you. The more she likes you, the more you can get away with – as long as she is more invested than you are. But when she doesn’t like you that much, or she is slipping away, you have to be really careful. Our natural instinct in those moments is to give her more attention, be nicer, try harder. But that is a sure way to fuck things up for good.

If you want to make her your girlfriend, there comes a time where you need to put your cards on the table and tell her. In my experience, that conversation just comes naturally, because you get to the stage where you already feel like a couple. You see each other a lot, you have sex, you’ve met each other’s friends, you make plans together, you walk down the street holding hands, you’re emotionally entangled. If you’re at that stage, it’s pretty safe to tell her what you want.

Here’s the thing though: you rarely need to explicitly tell a girl how you feel when dating. She will sense it through the way you act with her, the frequency of your communications and how often you see her. You can gauge her in the same way though (as you have been doing).