Reply To: "No outcome" vs using "game"
“how do I stay in the “no outcome” mindset while also purposefully doing things to get a girl to like me”
Of’course you should have an outcome. And furthermore, don’t try and make girls like you. This whole bullshit I see time and time again is why guys don’t get laid. They think they need to “act busy” or “act like they’re not interested” or weird things like that.
As far as being “detached” that’s different. The reason why you should be detached “ie not mad when a girl doesn’t respond to you or rejects you etc” is just a basic understanding that people prioritize things in their lives and you may or may not be that priority at that certain point in time. That doesn’t mean that you’re low value or that you need to do something “different” it just means that you need to accept the fact that people don’t always throw everything aside to be with you.
A personal coach of mine Paul Janka once told me, “consistent results only come in aggregate” meaning, you do not get a consistent result from a single girl, so she in and of herself is not important; rather, you get consistent results from pinging many girls at all times. (Until one becomes your girlfriend at that point she becomes a little bit more consistent). But if you’re just talking about dating here, and having sex with girls, you won’t get any if you see each interaction, each approach as anything special. Meaning, if you told me you approached 1 girl I’d think to myself that your chances of success are low, but if you approached 100 girls then I’d be like “ok, now we have something of more substance here”. You will never get results from a single interaction. Girls are inherently flakey and fickle. It’s the way they are, until they actually fall for a guy. Which may take several dates and depends more on your personal connection with her.
Also you need to just be true to yourself. What do you want? Do you want to have sex with a hot girl? (I bet you do). Well then be confident and give her the option to have sex with you.
As far as the behaviors you have listed, especially:
“3- I get nervous (voice tone, body language, etc. etc.)
4- I find it difficult to escalate (which just boggles me, why it is the case)”
These will kill you. If you don’t escalate with a girl, guess what happens? NOTHING.
I said that girls do not have the capability to escalate with a man, so it’s all on you. The biggest tip I can give you is to be comfortable touching a girl, putting your hand on her legs, grabbing her hand, leading her. Kissing her on the neck, going for the close. I can’t tell you how important this is. You can approach thousands of girls but if you don’t escalate I can assure you that your conversations with them will be pleasant but then they will simply leave and never see you again. Make sure you polarize women by escalating, because at all times you need to see “who’s in, and who’s out”.
If you’re not doing that I can guarantee you will NOT see any results whatsoever. Don’t buy into trying to paint yourself as “high value” or acting busy when you’re not. Be true and honest to yourself and to the girl, respond to her texts right away. Don’t play bullshit games. Make sure she understands your intent LOUD AND CLEAR.
As far as what you said:
“1- I initiate stuff more than she does; she will not write to me or invite me out or come speak to me at a party, if part of my social circle (after I have already approached her)”
That is completely normal. Women don’t initiate anything. and if you wait for them to initiate something you’ll be waiting a very long time (a lifetime really). Women have incredibly low self esteem (even though they portray themselves as confident) and they will never initiate anything for the fear of being rejected or being let down. So they just let the man do everything. and I do mean EVERYTHING.
approaching, getting a number, messaging her first, deciding where to go on a date, escalating with her, flirting with her, inviting her to your apartment, etc. Women love to say that they’re “equals” with men but in the dating/romance realm the two sexes are completely different. They are wallpapers. They will just sit there with you and zip their mouth and will wait for you to do everything. So do yourself a favor and just get out of your own head and start escalating and approaching MANY women. Don’t trust in singular results or start questioning what you did “wrong”. Know your intent, have a goal and go for it. Everything else is just a waste of your time.