Reply To: "No outcome" vs using "game"

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@Zhel I love this question–I think about it a lot and I’m going to spew out my take in it before the poobahs get here 🙂

The reason you’re confused is because “outcome independence” and “not giving a fuck” is actually one of the biggest and most pervasive myths of the pickup “world”. The idea that you can sit there and devote hours and hours of every day, your entire life, to mastering something as oddly specific as talking to a girl on a street corner, post on board after board about it, keep spreadsheets about it, etc. means that every one of us is absolutely, 100% outcome independent. Insanely outcome independent. The more you claim you’re not outcome dependent, that you “don’t give a fuck”, the more nonsensical it actually sounds. Yes, “PUAs” give a fuck—a HUGE one.

OF COURSE you give a fuck. And that’s fine–we all do. It’s human to care about how people respond to you–if you don’t, you’ve got some sociopathic tendencies. There are some people who try really hard to psychologically override the fact that they actually do care, and while they might get laid on occasion they’re also often very disturbed. You don’t want to try to overwrite your psyche–your subconscious knows it’s a lie and you’ll pay for it. There are a lot of strange “PUAs” out there–and this is one of the reasons for it.

But–you DO want to be outcome independent. So what’s a HEALTHY way to look at “outcome independence”? The idea–the mentally sane one–is that you shouldn’t need be defining yourself based on how others respond to you. If a girl shoots you down, that shouldn’t be a reason for you to have a bad rest-of-the-day. It also shouldn’t be a reason for you to not ask someone else out half an hour later. If rejections are making you lose your appetite and stay in bed for a week, something’s not right. Girls who you don’t know really aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things. They’re inconsequential–just as you’re inconsequential to them. Do To you, YOU should be the most important thing. Not in a selfish, mean way–just in the idea that the only person you can really influence is yourself.