Reply To: Social value

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You don’t “need” anything. If you’re good looking enough, you can succeed with nothing. However, many disadvantages can be overcome with status and value, which is why guys who are not over-the-top good looking – guys who are not as good looking as, say a Paul Janka – incorporate some element of value and status into their game.

Even Janka, who is as good looking or better looking than the girls he approaches – he actually hit on a friend of mine on the street in NYC – sometimes makes reference to elements of value. In how many of his videos do you hear him asking for directions to the law school? Not a coincidence. He’s a lawyer.

I don’t know Justin Wayne’s day job, or if he has one anymore. His business may now be big enough so that he doesn’t need a day job. However, he sure mentions his day job a lot, in every set of which we have a full recording, and even in some sets of which we have only a partial recording. He does it the same way every time, too.

Coincidentally, Eric and I were in the cafe section of Whole Foods in Union Square and Justin Wayne was there with a student. Eric talked to him for a while. I hit on the two girls sitting at a table behind Justin. He heard my whole set, after which he complimented me on the way I described what I do. No, the set was not successful, but he liked the way I played it, a style that is very similar in structure to the way he plays it.

So, back to the question, what should you do if you have an ordinary job? It’s not the job itself that creates the value, but how you feel about it. I know plenty of professors in my program whose perception is that other people think they have a boring job. They never get laid. Their description of their work sounds like an apology. One even starts his answer with “Nothing exciting. If I told you the details, you’d fall asleep.” Terrible. A far cry from “I teach the secret language of the universe.”

The key to describing what you do is to make what you do exciting, show your passion for it, and use it as a qualifier to see if she shares your passion for something that’s exciting to you. Sales is a great example of a job that can be described as having no appeal whatsoever. However, it can also be described as “I convince people to do things they don’t want to do.” What’s the qualifier? Of course you’re not going to ask her whether she loves sales. But you can ask her “To do my job well, I have to really understand people. Do you think you understand people?” “Really? Give me an example. Something not obvious.” Totally different dynamic.

So, what do you do if you’re not at all passionate about your job? Suppose I teach math but it’s not my passion. What would I say? “I teach math, but my real passion is quantitative sociology. You know what that is?” Perfectly ok to have a passion for something that is not your job. Note that I immediately return to the qualification.