Reply To: Judge a opener please

[The_Hurricane]

Yes, I love the homage, but it’s way too much. Your opener should be brief, something that gets her to listen to you. In general, your approach should be interactive. You should be asking her to tell you things that are of value to you. What you say should invite her to follow you into conversation. Look at the difference between these two:

1) Version 1: “When you were growing up, how close were you with your parents?”

2) Version 2: “When I was 11, my mom was an artist and my dad was a doctor. Every Saturday, my dad would drive my mom and me to the Metropolitan Museum of Art so I could take sketching lessons. And every Sunday, my dad would take me to a chess club at a local community center. What about you, when you were growing up, how close were you with your parents?”

The second one follows the lead-then-ask-her-to-follow model. Big difference, right? She’ll answer the second one with some detail, but you’re lucky if you get a one word answer to the first.

Lead, then ask her to follow. That’s what your interaction should be like as well.

–Lee