Reply To: Lee's Pet Peeves and Fallacies of Social Dynamics

[MrAntiquity]

Zhel: well, a good approach for me looks like this:

1. I have to actually WANT to talk to the girl–I don’t approach just to approach, but to actually engage the girl. THat makes a world of difference.

2. I find situational is the best. I’ve gotten some dates from asking directions, etc…but situational openers (these can actually be direct/indirect/whatever) show a lot of social awareness and make it easy to engage people. Sometimes, to get good at this it can be helpful to simply say an opening line under your breath–EVEN IF THE GIRL DOESN’T HEAR YOU–just to practice responding to your environment.

3. What you actually say really doesn’t matter. “Hi”, to be honest, is a really, really difficult opening line. It’s easy to say “Hi” just in passing, but to use it honestly–to indicate that you intend to talk to someone is hard. Because you feel like you need the right follow-up. If you can feel comfortable saying “hello” to people you don’t know, with an intention to actually talk to them–rather than a quick acknowledgement of their presence, that’s a huge step forward.