Reply To: Read Me: Why Guys Aren't Getting Consistent Lays on this Forum
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First, thanks for the thumbs up. I’m a fan of the stuff you’ve written here before, too.
To each his own, but regarding game and structure, this is how I think about it. It’s kinda the opposite of the process that you described above. When you start out, the easiest thing to do is just say hello and give her a few compliments. Why? Because you’re scared shitless and you won’t be able to remember much more than that. So you go in there, you pop her with something simple and direct, you give her a few compliments, and you hold on for dear life.
At that point, game is much more about what she wants than about what you want. You want sex, but that’s obvious. You approached her based on her looks, so there’s no need to explain that one, but it’s not about much else. You’re just not that selective.
At some point in your evolution, you start seeing more and more success and your life fills up with beautiful women. You get picky, and your game becomes much more about what you want than about what she wants.
You want a whole bunch of things. Her beauty isn’t enough. You have plenty of that. You want someone smart and interesting and funny and creative and loyal and blah blah blah. At that point, when you meet girls, your conversations start to turn towards the things that matter to you.
I’m a reader. Doesn’t matter how beautiful a non-reader is. I’m not going on a date with her. Period. I don’t want to get laid so much that I’m willing to give up a whole evening with someone whose world is so small. That’s one of my filters, but I have others.
Unless you’re a total chameleon, the more you start talking about the things that matter to you, the more you start talking about the same things over and over and over. If you talk about your favorite book a hundred times, guess what? It doesn’t matter if you have a script. It’s going to start coming out the same way.
That’s where I am with my game. I talk about the things that matter to me because I want to meet women who – if they don’t share my interests – at least understand my interests. And because the things that matter to me don’t change that often, guess what, neither does what I say to women. It’s been a few years since I practiced an approach, but it doesn’t matter. I pretty much say the same thing each and every time. Why? Because it would be infinitely harder to think of some new way to say it when it’s been naturally coming out this way for years.
So this is the way I see it. When you’re new, your game is random. It’s about whatever pops into your mind. Later, when you see some success, your game is much more about what you want, which is not random. If you talk about what interests you again and again and again, you can’t help but start saying it almost the same way each and every time, and then, lo and behold, whether you want it or not, you have a structure.
Here is the amazing thing. When you start qualifying women on things that really matter to you, magic starts to happen, and part of that magic is that some women start chasing you. This view is completely consistent with the social dynamics research that has been coming out of academia over the past couple of years.