Reply To: Read Me: Why Guys Aren't Getting Consistent Lays on this Forum

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Hey, Ryano–

I haven’t logged in here for quite awhile, and I’ve read your exchanges with Lee (to be honest I think you guys tend to argue at cross-purposes a lot but probably ultimately agree on several things….)

But here’s my thinking. Theoretically I agree with you–basically the problem with a lot of (well, nearly all) guys is that sexuality has for whatever reason been socialized out of us. This may not have happened after puberty either–could be a really early thing–but for some reason we’re afraid to be the biological animals that we actually are (and as you suggest, this is true for women as well). In other words, because men and women are meant to procreate, most close liaisons between the sexes SHOULD lead to-or at least be able to–lead to sex. So both men and women should be far more fulfilled, and much more easily, then we’re allowing ourselves to be. Status, value, etc…these are all tactical things that can help, but they’re not fundamental. So in that sense I agree with you.

HOWEVER (and this is a big however)

Most guys here are stuck with the simple notion of interacting with women–several steps prior to the sexual level, even. Advising them (and I include myself here–although on rare occasions I’ve been able to fully let myself go and have had astounding success) but advising them to just let go and be sexual is like sending someone from Kentucky over to the Burmese hills and telling them to just start speaking Hmong. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t register. It can’t. So Eric/Lee’s approach is slow advancement, focusing more on practiced interactions and some tactical shifts rather than a psychological overhaul. It emphasizes flirting in a way that makes you a bit more challenging and thus exciting, moving towards sexual chemistry that way–rather than your approach which is “I feel sexual chemistry–let’s go with it”. Both can work–both can be effective–both can be fun. Ideally, you’ll have access to both approaches and can combine them. But as yet, most of us cannot do this.

Thing is, Ryan O–the way you’re talking sounds like you’re “there”, and have been there for a long time. Maybe you went through some tactical shifts that helped, but the fact that you’ve talked about lots of sex and threesomes and things in previous posts means that you’re not coming from the same angle that most of us are. That’s why a lot of people here are unable to relate to your advice. I CAN relate to it–I feel that way myself but have blocked myself off from accessing it. That’s a separate–but related problem.

Ultimately, in addition to the 6 Steps to Approach, what men need is a 6-Steps-To-Rediscovering-Sexuality (i.e. flirting, but not only flirting).

Anyway, just some thoughts.