Reply To: Disappointing Trends

[The_Hurricane]

This is one of my favorite subjects.

1) I wouldn’t go on a date with a girl I had to chase for a month. I’m already skeptical that any girl I meet is good enough for me. Add to that a month of chasing her and having her flake on me and I would lose all interest. Part of what makes me interested in a girl is how much she gets me and thinks I’m cool – in other words, how much she’s attracted to me. I think I’m freaking cool and I’m looking for girls who agree. If a girl flakes on me for a month, can I still convince myself that she thinks I’m freaking cool? That would take a self-delusional hypnosis master.

2) Not only is that date so much less likely to be enjoyable for me, but also the consequences of that date – the ensuing relationship, whatever it may be – are so much less likely to be what I want. The initial power dynamic persists for months and even years. It’s often the reason couples break up years later. My own state of mind is so much more important to me than just getting laid. It’s the most valuable thing I have and when I compromise it by going on a bad date, it affects my interactions with people – not just women – for weeks and even months.

3) When I know nothing about a girl except what I learned when I met her, what am I willing to invest in a first date? 45 minutes to an hour. That’s all. That’s how little I value her before I know more. She knows it. She can smell it. It’s what gives me power over truly desirable women. Will I have that same power if she can smell the desperation of a man who will keep trying for the next month to get her out on a 45 minute date? No way. Learning to hide that desperation is actually harder than learning to be selective.

4) Finally, let’s look at this from a mathematical perspective. The payoff from being persistent is pretty damn small. If you had to chase her for a month, that date is not likely to go very well. Every once in a while, does it result in a spectacular conquest? Sure. (Not for me because I wouldn’t make it that far in the process, but for some men, yes.) However, for every one of those dates, you’re going to go on five bad ones. So it’s not an hour you’re spending on that date, it’s five. Add another half hour per bad date of texting back and forth to set that date up. And add some schedule disruption for flakes, last minute plans broken, leaving you sitting at home alone on a night you could be out with people who are truly motivated to be with you. What is that worth? Conservatively, let’s say the cost is now up to 2 hours per date and we said you’d have five of those to every one successful turnaround. Five times two is ten hours. Do you know how many women who are motivated to be with me I could meet in 10 hours without at all compromising my precious sense of self worth?

–Lee