Reply To: Hot to approach with legitimate reasons?

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Well, let’s talk about this for a second. Are you really looking for that woman who doesn’t play games? Suppose you meet an attractive woman when she approaches you and says “You looked like someone I’d have fun talking to. What’s your name?” You chat with her for a while – say 10 or 15 minutes – and suddenly she says “You know what, I’m coming to the conclusion that you’re boyfriend material. I find myself attracted to you. I’d like to go on a proper date.”

On the date, she is equally forthcoming, telling you, as she gets to know you, all of the things she likes about you. And so on and so on. No mystery, straight up, no games. Would you find that attractive? I wouldn’t. And I don’t think most men would either. In my experience, women who behave like this are needy and don’t have many other options. It’s not honesty. It’s desperation.

Here’s the kind of woman I’d like to meet. She’s not sure about me for a while. There seems to be something about me that keeps her coming back, but I can’t completely read her, and the reason for that is she doesn’t want me to read her. She’s still making up her mind about me and if she were really honest, she’d reveal some of her interest as well as some of the things that are giving her pause. Bleh. What a buzz kill.

I don’t want to know what she’s thinking. I want to know that she’s making every date fun. She’s making me work for it – because she’s interested only in men who think she’s worth the effort – but she’s also rewarding me in ways that make me think the effort is not wasted. She seems to have many romantic options but she’s slowly spending more and more time with me.

This, to me, is the behavior of a high value woman, exactly the kind of woman I want. Complete honesty, directness, too much up-front effort – these are the qualities of a desperate, low value woman. Most men would eventually lose interest in a woman like that. (More importantly, most women would lose interest in a man like that.)

You can use whatever word you want for mastery of social dynamics. If you don’t like game, you can just call this woman socially astute, a skilled people person. But I call this process game. Game is good. Game is what makes it possible for two high value people to get to know each while they make up their minds. Making up your mind too quickly is desperation, not honesty.