Focus on the Physical to get Past Approach Anxiety

This is one of my biggest secrets to getting past approach anxiety.

To understand the beginning–how getting physical can help you start conversations with women–let’s look at the end game.

In this video, Cory Skyy, a fantastic natural, talks about how to make a move on a girl when she’s at your place.

In and of itself, this is a great tutorial. He indirectly tests the waters by using excuses to get closer to her:

• First he gets up to get a glass of water so he can sit down closer to her.
• Then he tickles her as an excuse to touch her body.

What’s important here is that he’s indirect. He doesn’t just walk over to her and try to make out with her.

And he certainly doesn’t tell her his intentions.

While being direct can work, women are typically more comfortable and receptive when there is some plausible deniability.

In the long run, this make things more comfortable for you as well.

The same idea can be applied to starting conversations with women you don’t know.

You see a woman sitting all the way on the other side of a coffee shop. Instead of thinking about what to say to her or walking up to her and blurting out your interest, you want to think of how you can get physically closer to her.

The key here is to think physical.

Stop thinking about what you’re going to say to her and instead think of how you can physically get close to her.

What excuses can you use to get near her?

Here are some excuses:

• You walk over and look at a painting on the wall behind her
• You walk over and look out the window near her
• You pretend you are looking for cell phone reception
• You walk by her to get to the bathroom
• You sit at a table next to her. Note that if you are already sitting down, you may want to use an excuse to get up first. Go get a napkin, then instead of returning to your seat, go to the side of the coffee shop where she is.
• You can walk past her and then pretend you suddenly got a message on your phone you need to check, so you stop near her and pull out your phone and look at it.

You can use any of these excuses to get next to her. Now that you’re near her, it’s far easier to start a conversation with her.

You just happened to be near her so you say something to her.

You could notice something about her and comment on it.

You could ask her a question about the place (“Is there wifi in here?”).

There are all sorts of things you can say at this step.

I go into those things in my book.

But the point is, this next step is far easier when you are already physically near her.

Moral of the story: think about the physical first. Then focus on the next steps.

By focusing on one small step at a time, you make this process easier and more comfortable for both you and her.

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition, Ramp Up, Sex and Escalation