When you were a kid, if every morning your mother told you,
“Look at you. You’re such a loser. You’re an unattractive slob. Nobody likes you.”
How would that change your life?
What if instead, your mother told you every day in a loving tone of voice,
“Look at you. You are so smart and handsome. Everyone likes you.”
You would start to believe what you heard, even if you chose not to.
We human beings are highly social creatures. So much of what goes on in our minds is a construct of what we believe other people think of us.
If someone tells you something day in day out, inevitably it will start to sink in. You will feel differently about yourself, regardless of the reality of the situation.
So much of how we view the world is skewed. It is not necessarily reality but how we perceive reality. The way we construct the world is often not the way it is.
A recent study showed how, by strong suggestion, people will create false memories of things that never happened in their life. And it influences their behavior.
If it is possible for others to convince us of things that aren’t there, how much more possible is it for our own minds to convince us of how things are–particularly with a fact so subjective as ‘women are attracted to me.’
Whether we choose to accept what they say, it matters what our parents say to us. It matters what our friends say to us. It even matters what strangers say to us. But most importantly, it matters what we say to ourselves.
The more you believe women are attracted to you, the more they are attracted to you. Our beliefs influence our behavior.
If you believed growing up, that you are ugly, then, regardless of how physically beautiful you are, you will act in a way that makes others feel and treat you like you really are ugly.
But Are You Really Ugly?
We are all constantly questioning ourselves. Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I a failure? Is this the right move? Should I have done something differently?
It’s been estimated that for most people, up to 90% of our inner dialogue is doubting or negative.
Those negative thoughts, I’m ugly, Women don’t like me, I’m not worthy of being with her, take the form of language.
We communicate with ourselves in a constant chatter.
Those negative thoughts come in the form of words. It ties us up. We are constantly thinking about communication with others and ourself, whether we know it or not.
But those negative thoughts do not serve any productive purpose in your life. The Buddhists know this. So many of these thoughts running around in our head are unnecessary. They cause us to question our own self-worth. They cut down our self-esteem and lead to shame, insecurity, anger, jealousy, and the king of negative thoughts: fear.
There are certainly good, productive thoughts. They lead us to taking positive action. They make us feel good about ourselves, our situation, and the world.
You can communicate with yourself in a positive way that interrupts those negative thought patterns. You do this by simply changing your inner language.
It’s called affirmations. You tell yourself positive things, and you say it on a regular basis.
You start to hear it in your mind, over and over. And it becomes part of your thoughts.
You begin to replace unproductive thoughts with a more productive mantra–I’m sexy, women love me, I deserve to have beautiful women in my life.
It starts off as just words. But soon those unproductive thoughts are surprisingly neutralized whether you believe the words or not.
Affirmations Allow You to Stay Present
It’s easy to dwell on the past and project into the future. We think about the past over and over and over again. We wonder and worry about the future. It creates a tangled web in our minds that inhibits us from enjoying the present.
Women can sense it when you are unable to be present and enjoy her company.
With affirmations, you can relax. You’ve arrived. You are no longer worried about whether you are sexy or not. Stop worrying. You are sexy. You are perfect the way you are right now, right here, right where you’re sitting.
Affirmations help you to stay in the present because you are no longer looking to the future thinking, I hope it works out with that woman. I hope I do well.
You are no longer looking to the past for answers to whether you are attractive or not. “Did that person think I was sexy? What about me do I need to change because I wasn’t sexy back then?”
Instead you validate yourself in your own mind. You answer the question, over and over again. Am I sexy? Yes!
You get an inner reward which helps you to enjoy your life RIGHT NOW.
You aren’t looking for the next conquest so that you can find out whether you’re sexy. The next conquest will present as many questions as it does answers.
For most of us, no matter how good we get with women, we always want to be better. Sometimes getting good makes us even more unhappy because you just want more.
Affirmations help you to enjoy yourself right now. Instead of trying to attain true happiness outside of yourself, you give yourself that inner reward.
I’ve always hated mystical bullshit. I am the eternal skeptic. I’ve written papers debunking pseudoscience.
There is nothing mystical about affirmations.
In fact, I would even say they aren’t spiritual, although they will bring a deep sense of peace into your life. Affirmations are pure mind-cleansing meditation.
Once you begin affirmations, it becomes readily apparent all the garbage you had floating around in your head. That garbage doesn’t need to be there.
Until you start doing affirmations, it’s almost impossible to realize the scope of negative thoughts churning around in your head. Once I began doing them consistently, I became a lot more sensitive to negative thoughts.
“Wow, I just had a feeling of unworthiness when I thought about my neighbors. What’s that about? Huh.” And before I can let that thought get me down, I start my mantra. “Women want to fuck me everywhere I go…”
As you do affirmations, you become sensitive to those negative thoughts. Let’s say you meet a great girl. She was into you. You got her phone number. Now sometimes there’s even more doubt than when you went to approach her.
That girl was amazing, you think in your mind. She was smart, and so sexy. And then of course, will I be able to date her? I’ve never dated a girl that amazing. Maybe I’m not ready. You start to fear.
But if you use affirmations, all of a sudden you can say “women love me.” I deserve to have beautiful women in my life.
The affirmations don’t erase every negative thought. But they certainly ease that fear.
Just drawing attention to a fear can help neutralize it. You may not have even realized you are doubting yourself. But you are.
When you do affirmations, your mind no longer has any room to doubt. Will I ever become truly great with women? Will I find happiness with women?
That question doesn’t have time to appear because you are answering it over and over in your mind.
And the answer is Yes.
There is an attractive relaxation that comes over you when you are no longer worried if women are attracted to you.
When you do affirmations, your mind starts to search for evidence of those affirmations.
If your affirmation is “Women love me,” you may naturally find yourself thinking of and remember instances where women love you or have loved you.
Affirmations are critical to success with women, whether you choose to call them affirmations or positive self-talk.
From when I started approaching women, I was always drawn to affirmations, even though I didn’t call it that.
When I first started approaching women my favorite affirmation was “I can handle this.” No matter what happens, I will be able to handle it.
Anxiety, embarrassment, rejection–whatever it is. It is uncomfortable, but it’s not dangerous. I will be able to handle it.
Affirmations are critical in dealing with shame. We all have those bad approaches, those embarrassments and rejections. It’s inevitable.
It is inevitable that your body will start reacting. You’ll blush and you feel an uncomfortable burning sensation.
What is not inevitable is letting those feelings attach to your self-esteem. It’s so easy to start thinking “I’m a loser.” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why didn’t I do this or that instead?”
When those thoughts enter your mind, long after the incident is over, it is important to meet those with positive affirmations.
“I’m a rock star.” “I took a risk.” “I’m learning and that’s what’s important here.” “I’m getting better every day.”
You can also do affirmations pro-actively ever day instead of just when you feel you need them.
I stand in front of the mirror and recite my affirmations every morning for five minutes.
Since starting affirmations, I am getting about five times more eye contact from women than I used to get. A woman in a group will look at me and her friends will turn around to see what she’s looking at.
Guys see me and I can see their faces change with a look of “Who the fuck is this guy?”
I feel better than I’ve ever felt when it comes to women. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. And it isn’t even the material success I’ve been having.
I feel great because I feel fulfilled. In the past, even when I was with amazing women, I would feel good, but I would always have that feeling that there was still more to be done.
I still needed to improve in some way. I still needed to get better with women. I still need to do this or to do that, all of which depend on my external performance around women.
With affirmations, it feels great because feeling good doesn’t depend on outcomes. It only depends on me.
I can relax and take a deep breath. I am no longer waiting to get there. I have arrived.
Affirmations with Approaching
I do affirmations in conjunction with taking initiative every day to interact with women. I’m not just sitting home doing affirmations.
I can’t say what the effect would be if I were doing this without going out and approaching, but I think it would have a positive effect in any case.
Ultimately, you want to have an empty mind. You want to be able to notice that worry or that bad feeling and neutralize it right when it happens. You want to be free from the constraint of words.
When I decide to approach a woman, I have NO WORDS going through my mind. I simply feel that feeling inside me and I act on it. It is one of the biggest rushes in the world.
My friend Cory Skyy is one the best guys in the world with women. He has been doing affirmations for years and he considers it critical to his success. He gives a lot of practical advice about how affirmations can change you.
Affirmations are your mindset. Your mindset is what attracts women to you. Doing affirmations changes your world.
I can’t explain the results that my students are having. Even in my life, I’m still doing them. They are critical to being great with women.
Without affirmations, my life would be turmoil. Affirmations are my lifeline. They’re like oxygen. When it comes to women, if you stop doing affirmations, you will die. That’s how important they are. It’s critical.
If you are out at an event and you start getting in your head, the best thing for you to do is take a step outside the venue. Go to the bathroom and do the affirmations in the mirror. Or just take a step outside and get some fresh air. Let your affirmations run through your head.
You can use affirmations when you see an attractive woman. Right when you see her, catch yourself. Notice what’s running through your head.
‘She thinks I’m too old’ or ‘She’s too good’ or ‘She’s out of my league.’
The best thing to do in that situation is make a conscious effort to notice the thought, then switch it around. Turn to your affirmations and say ‘You know what? I am a sexy motherfucker.’
‘I do deserve to have her.’
‘I will have her.’
‘She wants me.’
That will calm you down.
Ultimately approach anxiety comes from all those thoughts going through your head within the first few moments of seeing a cute girl. If you can make a conscious effort to switch your mindset right there, you’ll have a completely different feeling about it.
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