This last weekend I was in San Francisco. A group of us went out at night. One of my friends brings his girlfriend. And the girlfriend has a friend along.
We’re all hanging out drinking, having fun, talking to people out at bars. Eventually I make my way over to her. I sit down next to her and start talking to her, bantering a bit, just having fun.
She’s not having any of it.
My game was on, and I wasn’t intimidated by this girl. I could tell it was something else. This would have been a great opportunity to use something I’ve been doing lately.
When a girl is only minimally interacting with me, not giving me enough attention while I’m talking to her, I’ll say something like “You’re losing me.” and walk away from her.
It’s a bit harsh, but if I come back later, they’re usually more receptive.
But I didn’t.
Because this is a social circle situation. It’s not the time to be harsh.
I’m all about pushing the envelope. When you talk to women, one of the things you can practice is sexual escalation.
You’ve lived your entire life as a nice guy. You’ve always moved too slow or not enough. Now is the time when you want to overcome your fear of sexually escalating with women and try something you’ve never tried before.
In trying new things you might creep her out. You might make someone uncomfortable. It’s not disrespectful, as long as she can walk away.
The general rule is if neither of you have to be there than it makes it okay. Go for the hand-hold soon after talking to her. Put a kiss on her lips.
She might not be ready for it, and that’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re learning. As long as you are respectful of her, it’s okay.
Women can handle themselves. They know how to say no.
The place to not practice this is in social circle situations. You want to be very careful to not creep out your friends’ friends. Why? Because then you’ll be the creepy guy that’s not invited around anymore.
One of the best ways to meet new women is through your friends and their friends. Don’t ruin it for yourself.
It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be interested in these women at all, it just means you should MOVE SLOWLY. Make sure she’s interested in you. If you’re not good at reading body language, take it even slower. This is not the place to learn this stuff.
It happened to me recently where a guy friend of mine was too grabby and creeped out a girl friend of mine. The next few events she had, she didn’t invite me out because she thought I might bring creepy guy with me. I was REALLY pissed at him.
Now I won’t invite him out to where my girlfriends are or bring my girlfriends around him.
Don’t be that guy. Respect your friend’s friends. Take it slow with them if you don’t know what you’re doing.
The flipside of this is that if you take it slow, there’s a good chance you will see your friend’s friends again.
You don’t need to be Don Juan DeMarco in ten seconds flat when you get introduced to a girl through a friend. You will probably have a chance to come back later, if not this time, then next time you meet her.
Sure, flirt with her and banter with her and have fun. But don’t go balls to the wall. Pull back a little.
Even if you don’t see this girl again, chances are your friend will introduce you to other women again sometime soon if you play it cool.
posted in Social CircleCOMMENTS