Will Learning to Approach Make You Happy?

Worst. Day. Ever.

Some days I feel so insecure. It’s like I’ve got the opposite of the Midas touch.

Every person I talk to seems to distance themself from me.

Or at least it feels that way.

I’ve talked about it before, that confidence fluctuates in cycles.

And I don’t care who you are, even if you’re dating 10 supermodels, when you’re having a crappy day, you’re having a crappy day.

Welcome to the human condition.

So what’s it all worth?

Okay, so I can approach women. Has that really made my life any better? I still have ups and downs, so what’s the deal?

The answer unequivocally, is Yes, it has made my life better.

This is why.

There is a distinct difference between sadness and depression.

Everyone goes through sadness. Your pet dies. Your friend moves away. Your favorite band breaks up. Your car breaks down.

You’re sad.

Depression is distinctly different. Depression may (or may not) contain some element of sadness.

But it ALWAYS contains an element of disempowerment.

Depression is like a brick wall, a pit that you can’t get out of.

But worse, it’s a downward spiral.

It’s a loss of energy that brings with it a feeling of not wanting to take initiative.

It’s the reason why it’s so much more depressing when a lover dumps you than when you dump them.

When you break up with someone, you may miss them just as much.

But when they break up with you, you have the element of feeling disempowered.

It was against your will.

At its core, the most fundamental component of pickup is this: learning to take initiative.

Pickup is about empowerment.

Depression is a lethargy in which you do not feel like taking initiative, so you don’t. And thus you feel more disempowered and thus you feel more depressed.

Downward spiral.

The only way to get out of depression is to do what your body least wants you to do: begin taking initiative.

And so the gears of your life begin to grind again when they slow down, because you are able to take initiative.

This is how pickup fundamentally changes your life. You may have gotten dumped. Or you may feel worthless. But you can still go out and take social initiative.

And social initiative is huge.

It will make or break you. In fact, it already has, whether you realize it or not.

One of the most important things in life, one of the things that keeps us emotionally stable, sane and together when everything seems to be coming apart at the seams is… your friends.

Without your friends to help you, life would be very very difficult.

But severe depression tends to drive people away, including your friends. You become less rewarding to be around. The reason?

You can’t take initiative.

It’s happened to me before.

I’ve gotten insecure that certain friends don’t like me. So I begin to take less initiative with them.

And conversely they think I don’t like them and they take less initiative with me.

Downward spiral.

There are of course other elements in a friendship, just as there are other elements in dating besides initiative taking.

But the ability to take initiative, both with existing friends and new ones, is the single most important tool in your arsenal when it comes to being socially successful and thus happy as a person.

Once you have the ability to take initiative, brighter skies are never far behind.

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition, Self-Improvement Strategies