When you ask guys what the goal of rapport is, they usually say something like ¡Æto create an emotional connection.’
While you do want to create an emotional connection, it is difficult to say whether you’ve gotten there or not.
A better definition of rapport, something to shoot for, is to find something to genuinely appreciate in her.
If I can do that, whether it’s a five minute conversation or an hour long conversation, I’ve established rapport.
What does that mean, to establish rapport?
If I got her phone number and went to go call her, she would feel that I in some way got to know her.
This past weekend we had a workshop. During our dinner break I went with Lee, one of our instructors, to get sushi.
Lee is an animal, always talking to women. There is no containing him. You can’t put a leash on a tiger.
It wasn’t 30 seconds of walking into the sushi restaurant that he was talking to three lovely women sitting at a table nearby.
He quickly charmed them with his wit while I finished ordering the sushi.
I came over and talked with them and we started talking about our workshop. These cute women were very interested and even wanted to help out. They were asking us a lot of questions.
I started talking to one of the women and it turns out she will be going to the beach the same day I am next weekend. She ended up giving me her number.
However, I would have a difficult time inviting her to hang out with me.
Now, these women were very into us. They were certainly attracted, and they found us as people very interesting. So what is the problem?
The problem is that I had to rush out of there to get back to the workshop without finding anything about her as a person.
If I were to call her up and invite her out, she would be thinking in her head “Why does this guy like me?”
And the answer of course, is that she was physically very attractive.
But that’s not enough.
She’s a hot girl. Every day she meets guys that are attracted to her.
When you meet a woman, your goal is to get her talking. It’s not to try and show her how cool you are.
Your goal is to find something, at least one thing about her as a person, that you can genuinely appreciate.
If you can, then all of a sudden you are special to her. Why? Because you made her feel special. You made her feel like you understood her.
Of all those millions of attractive guys out there, she feels like you know her just a little bit more.
It doesn’t have to be something huge. It could be something small.
Perhaps you can appreciate the fact that she loves her job. Or that she is into animals. Or that she knows how to cook.
You could find out something special about this girl in three minutes if you can get her talking.
But it needs to be something unique to her as a person, something that you saw when you interacted with her, something that she cares about.
When you do, to her you’ll be different than every other guy in the world.
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posted in Rapport Skills
COMMENTS
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