Become More of Who You Are

One of the joys of coaching is finding a diamond in the rough, a guy who is already good in some way but just doesn’t know it.

Most guys at the beginning are looking for ways to change. They want to overhaul their entire personality.

Guys certainly do need a lot of changing. But more than helping these guys change, it is rewarding to help them bring out what is already attractive about who they are.

I feel very lucky to have worked with so many guys. Some guys are “better” than others in that they would generally be considered more “successful” with women.

But in every guy, regardless of his social ability, I try to look for what is already there. Because ultimately, after all the fun and social cosmetics wears off, this is what women will find attractive.

I try to remember that in myself as well. When I’m frustrated and feel I need more, when I lack confidence in myself, my first tendency is to find someone who’s better than me and adopt their ways.

It works to a point. But I eventually forget routines, scripts and clever ploys.

And the only lasting change I find is the change that makes me more of who I am.

Osho relays a brilliant story by Leo Tolstoy about being who you are.

In a certain part of old Russia there was a lake, and it became famous because of three saints. The whole country became interested. Thousands of people were going and journeying to the lake to see those three saints.

The high priest of the country became afraid: What is happening? He had never heard of these “saints” and they had not been certified by the church; who has made them saints?

But the people were going wild, and much news was coming that miracles were happening, so the priest had to go and see what the situation was. He went in a boat to the island where those three poor people lived; they were simply poor people, but very happy–because there is only one poverty and that poverty is a heart that cannot love. They were poor, but they were rich, the richest you could ever find.

They were happy sitting under a tree laughing, enjoying, delighting. Seeing the priest they bowed down, and the priest said, “What are you dong here? There are rumors that you are great saints. Do you know how to pray?” –because seeing these three persons the priest could immediately sense that they were completely uneducated, a little idiotic–happy, but foolish.

So they looked at each other and said, “Sorry sir, we don’t know the right prayer authorized by the church because we are ignorant. But we have created one prayer of our own–it is home-made. If you won’t feel offended we can show it to you.”

So the priest said, “Yes, show it to me, what prayer are you doing.” So they said, “We tried and thought and thought–but we are not great thinkers, we are foolish people, ignorant villagers. Then we decided upon a simple prayer. In Christianity God is thought of as a trinity, three: God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. And we also are three. So we decided on a prayer: ‘You are three, we are three, have mercy upon us.’ This is our prayer: ‘We are three, you are also three, have mercy on us.’ ”

The priest was very, very angry, almost enraged. He said, “What nonsense! We have never heard any prayer like this. Stop it! This way you cannot be saints. You are simply stupid.” They fell at his feet and they said, “You teach us the real, the authentic prayer.”

So he told them the authorized version of the prayer of the Russian Orthodox Church. It was long, complicated, big words, bombastic. Those three persons looked at each other–it seemed impossible, the door of heaven was closed for them. They said, “You please tell us once more, because it is long, and we are uneducated.” He said it again. They said, “Once more sir, because we will forget, and something will go wrong.” So again he told it. They thanked him heartily, and he felt very good that he had done a good deed and brought three foolish people back to the church.

He sailed off in his boat. Just in the middle of the lake he could not believe his eyes–those three persons, those foolish people, were coming running on the water! They said, “Wait . . . once more . . . we have forgotten!”

Now this was impossible to believe! The priest fell at their feet and he said, “Forgive me. You continue your prayer.”

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posted in Attraction