Your interactions with women shouldn’t feel forced or fake.
You want to be yourself.
Confidence is being able to express yourself in almost any situation.
But as you’re improving with women, the main problem:
That ‘self’ gets locked up inside.
And getting it out ain’t easy.
One of the best things I ever did for myself is to start consistently using the same opener in every situation possible.
Here are eight excellent reasons to start doing this.
1. Wondering what to say to her is not ‘natural.’
Do you ever wonder what to say to your best friend?
You may be excited to tell him something, but you’re not worried about whether your words will ‘work.’
If you’re rehearsing stuff in your head, trying it on for size to see if it will ‘work’, you know there’s a problem.
Ideally, you’ll see a woman and not wonder what to say. You’ll walk up to her and say it. That’s as natural as it gets.
2. A pre-planned opener means less uncertainty.
You just arrived at your hotel in Vegas and you go to check out the pool.
There sitting next to the pool is an amazingly cute girl reading a magazine.
Quick. What’s your opener?
You shouldn’t have to wonder what to say to her.
If you already know what you say to women, there’s so much less uncertainty.
3. You eliminate one of the biggest reasons for not talking with her.
There’s a thousand excuses in your mind why you shouldn’t talk with a girl.
She’s doesn’t look like she wants to be talked to. She wouldn’t like me.
I’m tired. I’m not dressed right.
At the forefront of those excuses is, “I don’t know what to say.”
Eliminate that from your menu of excuses and you’re halfway there.
4. You can’t improve if you don’t have consistency.
I love being spontaneous. I say spontaneous things all the time.
But if you’ve done any amount of this, you know that a large percentage of the interactions you initiate won’t amount to anything.
The very best guys I know don’t sleep with more than 3% of women they talk to.
If I’m consistent with what I say initially, I know exactly where things went wrong.
Maybe I wasn’t flirty enough. Maybe I wasn’t sexual enough. Maybe I was trying something new and it didn’t go well.
If I have something that I normally always say, there’s no wondering where things went wrong. I can make small changes to my game plan and improve bit by bit.
If every interaction is completely different, I don’t know what to change for next time.
5. The opener doesn’t really matter that much.
Saying the right thing is not what wins her over. Being comfortable and enjoying what you’re saying is what matters.
When I was a kid, I could tell a joke a thousand times. I still like telling jokes. A good opener is like that for me.
It’s fun saying it. I get a bit of a smile on my face.
6. There’s nothing cute or attractive about stumbling over your words.
In the movies, the bashful protagonist stumbles over his words and the gorgeous girl thinks it’s cute.
In real life, not so much.
The better rehearsed, the more confident you sound.
The more confident you sound, the more attractive you are.
7. The main problem is not inhibition, but a lack of rehearsal.
When you get good, you’re not necessarily less inhibited, just better rehearsed.
Five minutes into the conversation, I feel more comfortable whether I’ve used a pre-planned opener or a spontaneous opener.
But when I use an opener that I’ve used fifty times before, I feel comfortable with it because it’s well-rehearsed.
This is why I recommend that every day you take five minutes to rehearse your opener out loud a few times before you leave your home.
8. It’s not what you say in the opener, it’s what you say after the opener.
You’re better off using one decent opener that works in almost every situation than eight brilliant openers for specific situations. Why?
When I use the same opener every time, I know what comes next. I know how to get into a little mini conversation after that.
I don’t want to have to think of how to get into a conversation after the opener. Too much thinking means I’m not in the moment.
You won’t find an opener that works in every single situation, but there are a lot that work in most situations. Pick one and get really good at it. See if it works for you.
And enjoy knowing what you’re going to say every single time.
Got a great opener you like to use every time? Leave it in the comments!