You Feel Bad Because You Let Her Treat You Badly

“I feel terrible,” my client tells me.

“I’ve been doing my affirmations, and they’re helping. But I can’t stop thinking about her.”

And then he admits to me: he’s been in contact with his nemesis again.

He was seeing her briefly.

But she told him that she wants to be ‘friends with benefits’ and then that she needs space.

Now he can’t get her to meet up with him.

He relays to me the interactions he’s had with her in the last two weeks.

It’s really true what they say: Love is blind.

My client has a lot of experience with women. He meets women every week. But because he’s so into this girl, he can’t see how needy he’s being.

I see guys doing this kind of stuff all the time:

• They ask a question over text. She doesn’t respond. So he sends another text the next day just to make sure everything is okay.

• She cancels a date on him without suggesting another time. And he asks her out again.

• She returns his texts but whenever he suggests meeting up, she’s busy. So he keeps taking initiative to text her.

• She’s not responsive to some of his texts, but when she decides to send him a text message, he always responds.

• He sends her a text asking her out. She doesn’t respond, so he gives her a call on the phone.

• She goes out on multiple ‘dates’ with him, but doesn’t hook up. Or doesn’t let him get past kissing. Still, he invites her on more dates.

In any of these scenarios, it logically wouldn’t hurt to give her another chance.

Send another text.

Give her a call on the phone if she doesn’t return a text.

Take her out on one more date to see if that’s the date when she feels comfortable enough to hook up with you.

What do you have to lose? If she says no or isn’t responsive, who cares?

Sure, once in a while sending her repeated texts will eventually win her over. There’s something to be said for commitment.

The problem is that it is almost impossible to not get invested in a girl.

We all like to think that our feelings are not out of control. After all, you don’t really even know this girl too well.

But the truth is…

The more you text her, call her, invite her out, without any reciprocal investment on her part, the worse you feel.

The more times it happens, the more you send her a very clear message: it’s okay to treat me like shit.

And every time you send her that message, you feel worse about yourself.

The solution is to never put yourself in that position in the first place.

If you’re about to do something where a lack of investment from her could leave you hurt or angry, don’t do it.

• Don’t just send a date invitation over text out of the blue. First check in with her by asking how she is, making small talk, or being flirty.

• Try to avoid asking too many questions over text. The longer she takes to respond to a question, the worse you’ll feel.

• If she’s not getting sexual by the third date, suggest that she come over to your place for the next date. If she won’t, then don’t meet up with her.

• If she’s willing to return texts but says she is too ‘busy’ to meet up with you, tell her, “Say hi when you’re less busy.”

• If she postpones or cancels two dates in a row, be willing to stop talking to her.

• If you’re always the one to text her first, let her take initiative to text you first. Let her invite you out on a date.

• If she doesn’t respond to a text, don’t let her get away with it. It may mean never speaking to her again. Or it may mean doing something like that back to her next time she texts you.

Letting a woman treat you badly comes across as needy. The less you let women do it, the better you’ll feel. The better you feel, the better your game will be.

It’s possible you might lose this woman, but if she’s acting badly, you’ve probably already lost her anyway.

Think about your life in the big picture:

You teach people how to treat you. The less shit you tolerate, the less shit people give you. They start to sense how much you will tolerate.

And if you teach her that it’s okay to treat you badly, she’ll keep doing it. And when she does, you’ll feel bad about yourself.

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posted in Relationships