Women Want To Connect. Men Want To Score.

The music is banging. Everybody is partying. People dancing on tables. The place is madness. Spring Break Miami. And it’s St. Patrick’s Day on top of that. It doesn’t get any crazier than this.

And then I see her.

She has dark hair, almost a latin look. With a tight striped grey shirt. Our eyes meet. I watch as she walks past. I want her so bad.

I stroll over to the bar to grab a drink.

And then I see her.

A different girl. She’s wearing a tight black dress. Long dark hair. Carrying on on the dance floor. My friend pulls me outside.

And then I see her. A different girl…

Yeah, it pretty much goes on like this all night.

I’m a guy. It wouldn’t take that much for one of these cuties to pull me into the bathroom and have sex with me right there.

Ha ha ha, I’m a slut, as the guys would joke.

Women though, don’t seem to be geared the same way.

In her book, The Female Brain, Louann Brizendine talks about the difference between the female and male brain:

When girls and boys first hit their teen years, estrogen floods the female brain, females start to focus intensely on their emotions and on communication–talking on the phone and connecting with their girlfriends at the mall. At the same time, as testosterone takes over the male brain, boys grow less communicative and become obsessed about scoring–in games, and in the backseat of a car…

Connecting through talking activates the pleasure centers in a girl’s brain. Sharing secrets that have romantic and sexual implications activates those centers even more. We’re not talking about a small amount of pleasure. This is huge. It’s a major dopamine and oxytocin rush, which is the biggest, fattest neurological reward you can get outside of an orgasm. Dopamine stimulates the motivation and pleasure circuits in the brain. Estrogen at puberty increases dopamine and oxytocin production for girls. Oxytocin is a neurohormone that triggers and is triggered by intimacy. Intimacy releases more oxytocin, which reinforces the desire to connect, and connecting then brings a sense of pleasure and well-being.

What am I trying to say, guys, you gotta chat up the ladies if you want to sleep with them?

Not quite.

I’m a guy. I know I’m a hornball. I’ve got sex on the brain. Every other minute I’m thinking about it.

And get me around other guys and I get caught up in the need to score. I’m a guy and love to accomplish things and prove myself, including sleeping with women.

I’m seduced by the idea of a guy who can walk into a club and leave with any woman he wants. Part of my brain says to me “Now THAT’S an accomplishment!”

It’s easy to get drunk on sex and ego gratification.

Sex is great. It’s AWESOME. But actually having feelings for someone–that’s the good stuff.

The most passionate sex I’ve had pales in comparison to having a true deep yearning desire for the woman I’m with.

It pales in comparison to connecting in a deep and genuine way. Telling her something I’ve never told anyone before. Maybe something I never realized about myself.

Feeling like that person is unique out of every other girl out there.

That she is irreplaceable.

Maybe if I could remember that for a minute I could stop being the dog that I am.

As the DJ continues to spin and the party intensifies, I start to feel tired.

Perhaps I’m tired of the casual hookups.

Perhaps I want something more, I think to myself as I turn toward the door.

And then I see her.

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posted in Rapport Skills