You Cannot Generate Attraction–You Already Are Attractive

“Hi,” I say to the girl behind the counter before I pay for my sandwich.

“Hi,” she says back in a dreary tone of voice.

“You don’t seem so happy to be here,” I say.

“I’m out of here in a couple of hours,” she replies.

“Where?” I say.

“I’m going on vacation.”

“Sweet!” I say. “Where to?”

“Europe,” she says.

A girl next to me getting ready to pay for her drink jumps in and says “Where in Europe?!”

“Italy and France.”

“Oh my god, take me with you!” I say. The girl behind the counter laughs “I’m totally going with you.”

I pay for my sandwich and walk out of the Union Square sandwich shop.

Later on at Barnes and Noble, I see a girl walking toward us and motion for my student to open her. He won’t.

So I go to talk to her. I pick up something in front of me, a dopey boardgame and get ready to ask her a stupid question about it.

“You’re the guy at Toasties!” she says, before I can say a word to her.

I look at her and realize that she is the girl who was standing next to me in line when I bantered with the cashier.

I don’t even say a word to her and she is already totally into me.

We start to talk and have a great interaction.

By the time I walk off, she’s asking to meet up with me soon to play boardgames at her place.

Such is the power of banter.

It’s been said “I need to get her attracted to me.” You don’t.

You already are an attractive person.

And you don’t even need to banter with her.

Just bantering near her is enough!

Why?

Because it shows how confident you are about your attraction, how you can be fun and playful around everyone.

Sometimes bantering near her is even better than bantering with her because it shows you aren’t trying to impress her.

You don’t generate attraction.  You cannot generate attraction.  You are attractive.

Learning to banter is about learning how to be confident enough to display your attractiveness.

The guy who can’t banter and have fun is inhibited. We all start out as that guy, afraid to open our mouths.

The more you practice, the more you learn to be a fun, uninhibited guy around people you’ve just met.

You learn how to be yourself around people you’ve just met.  You are a fun, playful person.

Banter can be practiced almost everywhere. The more people you practice it with, the better.

You can banter with your family, your friends, your co-workers.

It takes a little bit of trial and error to get good at banter.

It’s simply role-playing–and having fun while you’re doing it.  Here are my three favorite roles when bantering:

1) I’m too sexy. This is a classic, something every guy should learn.  It is a role-reversal.

Try to imagine what a super super sexy woman would say if guys were hitting on her all the time.  But pretend it’s you getting hit on by girls.

“Oh my god, I hate taking the subway in the morning.  It’s so crowded.  And women are always rubbing up against me trying to get a piece.  Sheesh.”

2) You’re too sexy. This a great way to get into sexual escalation.  You are basically acusing her, in a fun way, of being too attractive.

“Are you going out in public dressed that sexy?  People might see you, you know!”

3) You’re causing problems. She’s basically screwing everything up.

“Oh my god, I can’t take you anywhere!”

It’s great to have a few go-to banter lines.

It should be clear that the cleverness of these roles is not important.  It’s not about being brilliant.

I have worked with the best guys in the world when it comes to banter and the things these guys say aren’t even that funny.

It is the willingness of the person fulfilling the role that makes it fun.

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posted in Attraction, Banter