Why I Made Getting Past Approach Anxiety My Life’s Mission

by Eric Disco
Jun 3

Twelve years old. 5th grade. I picked a fight with the school bully.

He accepted.

“After school. I’m gonna kick your ass!” he said.

When the 3 o’clock bell rang, the entire class walked to a backyard off of school property.

I could feel my arms getting numb.

I was paralyzed.


I’d never felt anything like it my life before.

We reached the backyard where the fight was going to happen.

It wasn’t a fight.

I got my ass kicked.

I returned to school the next day defeated.

It was never the same for me.

For the rest of my adolescence, I hated myself.

For years, I thought the reason I hated myself was because I lost the fight.

It wasn’t.

The reason I hated myself was because at that crucial moment, I became inhibited. As I walked to that backyard getting ready to fight, my body betrayed me. I didn’t even put a fight when it started. I was too scared.

I was 27 when I moved to New York City. Gorgeous women: everywhere.

Walking in streets.

At my job.

In bars.

At coffee shops.

At the supermarket.

They were everywhere.

I wanted them so bad. But I couldn’t talk to any of them.

I logically didn’t care if any of these women rejected me. There were so many of them. If things didn’t go well with one woman, I could simply talk to another one.

But my body wouldn’t let me take a step toward them.

It was the same inhibition I’d felt when I was getting ready to fight that bully.

“That’s not who I am,” I thought to myself.

When I discovered that there were people who could teach you how to talk to women, I got excited. I went out and learned as much as I could.

But these people hardly said anything about the original reason I got into pickup in the first place: how to get past your fear.

There was no roadmap, no way to go from paralyzed to not paralyzed. I forced myself to do it, but I constantly searched for better ways to get past my inhibition.

I eventually started coaching guys how to get past it and wrote a book about what worked and what didn’t work.

One of the most interesting parts is that when you have no fear, women are attracted to you. It shows them that at crucial, pivotal moments, you can take action.

Every time you start a conversation with a woman you don’t know, you demonstrate that you can handle the stress, that you aren’t paralyzed in moments like these.

And that’s HUGE for women.

My inhibition restricts who I am. Getting past it is a fight to be more of who I am. I don’t care if I lose a fight to the school bully or a pretty girl rejects me. That happens. You win some, you lose some.

What I don’t want is to be paralyzed in fear, for my limbs and my mouth to not work when I need them to.

The only way past that is one step forward at a time, fighting my body, teaching my body, and showing my body that the paralyzed me is not who I am.


posted in Initiative and Inhibition

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