I don’t have sex very much. That’s the honest truth.
As a guy who teaches men how to meet women, it may not be what you expect to hear from me. Or what you want to hear.
You might think that as a certification of my skill with women, I’d be posting about all my conquests.
How I went out, met a woman, seduced her and am writing this post lying in bed next to her, a cigarette in my mouth after the best sex of my life.
Well I’m not.
I’m sitting here in front of my computer, alone. I haven’t had sex in a few weeks.
Even just a few short years ago, I would be ashamed to admit it, not even just because I’m supposed to be great with women but because admitting it would mean that there’s something wrong with me:
I still haven’t learned something I need to learn about women.
I still haven’t mastered a skill.
I’m still not good enough.
I used to judge myself by my success with women.
Not judging yourself by your success with women seems obvious. The entire world knows that. Your self-worth should come from within.
But it’s one of those truths that gets lost in the drive for excellence.
In fact, success itself can cause you to forget that truth:
How to sit with a simple and important pain. To sit with loneliness.
It wells up from my stomach. It scrapes my insides.
I’m not getting any younger. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m only destined to be with women who aren’t right for me. Maybe only broken women like me. Maybe…
I listen to all those voices. I feel the pain. And I accept it. I don’t let it push me into action.
Because action motivated by insecurity is weakness. Neediness.
She can’t help me with that.
She can’t calm those waters.
The storm will rage whether she wants me or not.
Instead of rushing into things, clinging to the first person that comes along in order to feel better about myself, I hold out.
I wait for something better.
I don’t need cheap sex or validation from women who don’t meet my standard. I’ve been there before. It eats up my time and drains my energy.
I’ve proven to myself I can do it. I no longer need to prove anything to myself.
I continue to go out and meet attractive women. I keep making an effort day after day. I continue to improve and enjoy the struggle. I wrestle with the pain, the loneliness, the self-doubt and regret.
I continue to move forward, secure in myself enough to not rush into things.