Unable To Approach Because Of Anxiety

by Eric Disco
Nov 1

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I’ve been trying to crack the code with subway game and I am making progress.

I saw a cute girl this morning standing at the other end of the platform. I set my feet in motion although there were doubts in my mind as to whether I would actually do the approach. I walked toward her anyway. By the time I got to her, I didn’t open her due to anxiety. I ended up just standing about five feet away from her.

I try to monitor the self-defeating automatic thoughts I have, and the thoughts I had today were:

What if it gets creepy? It’s not like in the park where I can just get up and walk away, we’re both waiting for the same train.

What if I have nothing to say after I open?

There were also some lingering fears of feeling embarassed with so many people around.

So here’s some of my responses to the automatic thoughts:

If it gets creepy I can just say “it was nice meeting you” and walk to the other end of the platform or train. I don’t need any excuses to walk to the other end of the platform or train.

In terms of not knowing what to say after opening, two things will help that. I can have a conversation script. Perhaps something subway train related or something about the neighborhood. Also, I don’t have to stay in this set for ten minutes. I can open, have a few words with her and leave. The important thing is that I open and introduce myself.

There are many many cute girls on the subway train in New York City. But I don’t have to open all of them every day. Just one for now. One a day. That’s the very first step to get this ball in motion.

I get proud of myself when I feel approach anxiety. It means I am putting myself out there and taking my game to a new level. It takes bravery to overcome approach anxiety. All you guys who sit at home and don’t do approaches? That’s not bravery. All you master pickup artists who don’t get very nervous any more? It still takes some bravery for you to open. But not as much as taking the first step. When you are about to go in and the anxiety washes over every aspect of your being–your mind, your emotions, your body and your motivation–it is the true hero who takes a deep breath and does it anyway. It is the true hero that can let it all go, that can kill that dragon inside of himself and leave it 50 feet behind as he goes over and talks to the girl.


posted in Acceptance, Subway Game

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