Today we have another excellent post by my good friend Robbie Kramer from Inner Confidence.
Being a smart person is usually a good thing. However, when it comes to meeting and dating women, it can sometimes get in the way.
There are many ways where over thinking about dating and meeting women hurts you.
It’s not easy to just stop thinking. Stopping automatic thoughts won’t work. But there are some things you can do instead.
Be your own best friend.
At some time in point, there has to be a shift in the way you talk to yourself about meeting and dating women.
Instead of the voice that beats you up, you’ve got to be your own best friend and pat yourself on the back for trying.
This is essential, because at the end of the day it’s your life and you’re the most interested in your own success.
Be the guy who encourages himself and keeps a positive attitude about meeting and dating women.
Make a decision and roll with it.
There are many schools out there and many strategies for meeting women.
Instead of being confused and lost about what to do or how to improve, here is a great technique I thought of the other day.
Oftentimes we get so bogged down in the daily grind that stepping back and trying to look at your life objectively will help.
Start by sitting in a room by yourself and talking about you and your life in the 3rd person. (If this feels weird to you, then write it down instead.)
For example, let’s say there is a guy named Jerry who is improving his relationships with women. Jerry should sit by himself and start a dialog with himself about himself:
“So Jerry, I see you’re going out once a week and I feel, as your friend, that you could be doing more. You’ve done a great job so far and you’re focused and determined. What do you think you need to work on? Teasing? Well, that’s a good idea, but I think you really need to work on just being able to carry the conversation. I can tell you’re committed…”
Conversations like this, as silly as it may sound, help you coach yourself to success because you gain awareness of your current strengths and weaknesses.
Awareness is the first step to change and building this is key.
At the end of the day, better than anybody, you know EXACTLY what you need to do to be successful and it’s a matter of trusting yourself.
Notice how the self-coaching is always inquisitive and always suggestive.
If you do this enough, you will get into a habit of being comfortable with your decisions because you’re finally listening to the one voice that matters, yours.
Recognize your strengths and acknowledge them.
An important part of meeting women is to acknowledge your strengths and what you are offering to women.
I remember when I was first learning I felt like I didn’t have a lot to offer women. That’s why I went to routines and others tricks to entertain women.
Later on, I realized that I had to look at my strengths and recognize what I could offer.
I realized that I offer: my listening, my presence, my smile, my wittiness, my attention, my focus, my affection. The list can go on.
These are gifts that I am sharing with the woman I’m talking to. Always remember that what are you bringing to the table is yourself.
Neurotic thinking usually involves thinking that disempowers you, that makes you feel not OK, makes you feel like you’re not good enough, or makes your feel stuck and confused.
Catch your dis-empowering thoughts.
A big suggestion I have for guys stuck in their head is to try and stop their neurotic thinking. Thinking is OK, but neurotic thinking is bad. When can you recognize the difference?
Whenever your thoughts make you feel good and are empowering, its usually not neurotic thinking.
Neurotic thinking usually makes your feel bad and can even give you a headache!
This can be tough practice, but catch your thoughts that are neurotic. They usually sound like
Each one of the above are examples of thinking that is not serving you. Catch those thoughts.
The moment you recognize them, they go away.
It’s your mind playing tricks on you, trying to bully you and beat you up. In reality, you are good enough!
Recognize the inauthenticity in these thoughts. A majority of them are simply not true and not based in reality.
The reality is, that you are OK the way you are, you’re an attractive guy who has a lot to offer, and you are good enough.
Make win-win relationships with the world.
Another issue that comes with meeting and dating women is seeing other men who are doing much better than you.
You can harbor resentment, jealousy and even envy for men who are doing better than you.
The best way to stop thinking like this is to stop seeing the world as a competition where some men win and others lose or where women win and men lose.
This way of thinking is harmful and creates an inferiority complex the more you think these thoughts.
Start taking each of these situations and see how you can make them win-wins.
A guy who is successful with women is also someone worth befriending and modeling.
Women who are getting lots of dates are an opportunity to work on yourself and be the guy she chooses.
Every scenario in your head that you are running where you are “losing” and someone else is “winning” can be turned into a win-win relationship.
Eventually you will start seeing the world as abundant and your opportunities as limitless. This is a good place to be.
So remember, when it comes to connecting with people and being social, following a few small rules to avoid overthinking can make your social success that much easier.