The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself When Meeting Women

I just started working in a new area of town. After the stress of the new job has subsided, it’s time to start meeting women in my new area.

What’s my first move?

Go out and start having conversations?

Nope.

My first move is: reconnaissance. I check out the lay of the land.

Where are the good spots to meet women? Parks? Cafés? Malls?

Are women sitting alone or in groups?

What’s the best time to go out?

I head out a few times a day and check out the scene in different areas. I notice where the cute women are, where they are sitting/standing.

Once I get an idea of good places to meet women (Step 1 in my book), it is time to ask myself the most important question when meeting women:

What excuse can I use to get close enough to start a conversation?

The more I meet women, the more I learn how to deal with the biggest obstacle of all: logistics.

Eventually you find there are a very limited number of situations where you’ll see women: standing waiting for the train, sitting in a cafeteria, standing at an intersection, waiting in line, etc.

As you attempt to navigate these situations, you hone your instinct to immediately realize if there is runway—the feasibility to even get physically next to her.

Once you can get physically next to her, you can say almost anything to start the conversation.

As I’m doing reconnaissance I won’t actually approach the first woman I see. I just check out the situation.

Maybe she’s sitting on a bench with a lot of people around—or not near any people. Maybe she’s sunbathing alone in the middle of a grass field. Maybe she’s sitting in a café. Maybe she’s walking by on the street.

I take note of these different situations in my mind and think about answering the question. How can I get near her?

Let’s take the first example. She’s sitting on a bench in a park. I could just walk up to the bench and sit down next to her. Or I could make it even more indirect.

As I go to sit down next to her, I pretend I’m on the phone. I say, “Hey man. Yeah. I’m here in the park. Union Park. Okay. See you in Five minutes. Hurry up.”

Now I’m sitting down next to this cute girl. She has no idea I sat next to her to talk with her. And she thinks my friend is going to come along in five minutes, a natural time constraint that makes her feel more at ease speaking with me.

The next step might be to ask her if there is a coffee shop in the area. Or if the park has wifi access.

But I might not do that the first time. I might practice simply positioning myself next to her.

The key is to take things one step at a time and not put pressure on myself to do everything at once.

I’ve learned that the best thing I can do for myself is ease up on the pressure I could put on myself and instead, give myself space and time to feel out situations and go in when I’m ready.

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