When I first started learning how to talk to women I didn’t know, I lost touch with some of my female friends. I didn’t quite know how to include them in what I was learning.
As I’ve gotten better at this stuff, I’ve begun to appreciate women on many different levels and have started to re-integrate them in my life in other ways than just romantically.
Being friends with women is important. Having women as friends is important. Friends in general are important. But there are many benefits to being friends with women.
Being friends with women allows you to see them as human beings. What does this mean? Does this mean you turn into a wussy and just be super nice to every girl you meet? Actually the opposite.
You see that they’re dealing with their own problems and insecurities. They worry about guys not calling them back. They have their own set of issues to deal with. Instead of putting women up on a pedestal, it allows you to see them as having their own struggles.
It allows you to be intimate with women without worrying about all the negotiations involved in sex. Ever wonder what you’d be like in a relationship if you weren’t so hungry for sex? Be friends with a woman and find out.
But I mean true friends. Not just be friends with her in the hopes of hooking up with her one day. Rely on her. Open up to her. Tell her about your relationships. Understand her. Be there for her. Hang out with her.
Date her friends if the situation presents itself–but tactfully! Your first priority is to her as a friend.
If something happens with you and her friends, that’s great. But don’t push it. Seriously. Practice all you want on women you don’t know, but don’t be creepy around her friends. Take it slow and carefully and be a friend.
Hook her up with your guy friends. Be genuinely interested and happy in her relationships with guys.
Dating can be tumultuous. It can be difficult at times. Straining. Your friends are there to level that out. If the only intimacy you get is with women you’re dating, that’s a problem. You’ll get blown about like the wind.
Friendships with women often aren’t as intense as romantic relationships, but friendships tend to last a lot longer than dating relationships.
You can also flirt and banter with girl friends. Once you get to the point that you know nothing is going to happen sexually between you, that both of you could have pushed that issue and decided not to, all bets are off.
You can say stupid fun fucked up stuff to each other and just be totally silly. Sort of like two wolf cubs play-fighting, it allows you to practice for when the real thing comes along.
And beyond just banter and fun between you, managing friendships gives you practice at managing relationships. You begin to understand relationships as real-world bonds of trust between you and another person instead of a needy no-holds-barred sexual buffet of what-can-I-get.
Girls can sense when you have an agenda. If you can learn to sometimes be friends with women, you lose that agenda feeling.
The Pitfalls of Being Friends with Women
That being said, you want to be careful of the pitfalls of being friends with women.
You do not want to be an orbiter. Friendship is NOT a good tactic to get a woman to be with you romantically.
If you want a woman to be with you romantically, you need to be able to take steps to ensure that you don’t get caught in that dangerous in-between space of you being into her romantically and her liking you as just a friend.
This idea that “if she just got to know me, she’d like me” is a load of horseshit. Attraction is not built by you hanging around being nice to her. If you do not know how to attract women, you need to learn.
Attraction is based on physical confidence, touching her in the right way, being able to escalate, being able to take risks, raising the sexual tension between the two of you. All this happens very quickly.
It does sometimes take time for a woman to become comfortable enough with a guy to be sexual with him, but that time frame is, maximum, somewhere in the vicinity of ten hours–usually shorter, depending on how sexual you are.
If you are hanging out with a woman for more time than this without getting sexual with her, you need to be very careful about what kind of situation you are putting yourself into.
This is one of the worst positions to be in. Sexual escalation is an important barometer of your relationship with her. If she is refusing escalation for too long, you need to seriously reconsider what you are to each other.
If you are the super nice guy who is afraid to sexually escalate with women, you need to learn to get past that. It is one of the most important things that will keep you from getting walked all over by women.
posted in Social CircleCOMMENTS