The First Time Lance Approached a Woman

by Eric Disco
Jun 26

I do not hesitate to say Lance Mason from Pickup101 is amazing with women.

But even more than that, Lance is one of the best teachers I know.

I worked under his tutelage for years.

The foundation for a lot of things I do now comes from Lance’s instruction.

But Lance wasn’t always great with women.

Even heroes have a beginning…

In a conversation a while back, Lance talked to me about his original motivation to get past his fear of meeting women.

He also talks about the very first time he approached a woman.

Lance had a girlfriend his senior year in high school and then another in college.

He was trying to figure out whether he should get married and settled down.

But he knew that he didn’t have enough experience with women.

He’d only been in two relationships and realized he needed to date a lot more people before making that decision.

“It didn’t make sense to settle down,” Lance tells me. “especially when I couldn’t objectively evaluate the relationship.”

About the same time his college girlfriend was trying to push the relationship forward and he was having doubts, he found out his brother, who had kids, was going through a divorce.

“It showed me the realities of how you want to be really careful when you enter into a long-term, serious relationship,” says Lance.

Lance decided he needed to meet as many women as possible to be sure he was with the right one.

So he ended things with his girlfriend.

In many ways, he felt that getting better with women was even more important than college, because it could have a bigger effect on his life.

He studied a lot in college, so this decision was a pretty big deal for him.

But when he went out to try and meet women, something unexpected happened.

It was a couple of weeks after he’d broken up with his girlfriend and a week after he decided that he really needed to focus on getting better with women.

He was in the library. It was an old-school university library with the super-high ceilings, marble floors, and heavy wooden chairs.

Even a shifting in a chair makes an enormously loud noise that echoes through the library.

He’s looking down the lanes of this table and sees an amazing dark-haired girl about 30 feet away. She’s sitting there studying.

He was overcome with attraction.

“Wow,” Lance says. “I thought to myself, there she is. I’ve got to talk to her.”

“I got really nervous. I said to myself, well, OK, I’m just going to sit here and just be aware of the feeling of nervousness until it fades and when it fades I’ll go talk to her.”

“I sat there for a half hour. Then I finally left.”

Lance wasn’t feeling very good about himself. He lay awake in bed that night with the realization that he couldn’t do it.

He had just assumed that he could have talked with women if he chose. But, as he lay there, he realized he had chosen to and couldn’t.

“I was floored by that,” says Lance.

So he lay in bed and just pictured her.

He thought about how nervous he was at the idea of approaching her.

So he decided to try something.

“I decided to just get used to the feeling of being nervous,” Lance says. “That was really important.”

Lance had experienced stage fright before. He was a singer-songwriter and had performed on stage.

When he told a friend how nervous he got performing on stage, his friend gave him some advice.

“Get as nervous as possible,” his friend told him, “before you walk onstage, because that way when you walk onstage, you’ll still be nervous. Your heart will still be beating. Your adrenaline will be pumping. But you’ll be used to it. That’ll be normal.”

Four days later, Lance was sitting in the same library.

Again, an amazing woman was sitting a few tables away. But this time, he decided to embrace his nervousness.

He got up from where he was sitting and walked over to her table.

“I was trying to study,” he said, “but I kept noticing you. I had to come talk to you.”

She looked up from her books strewn across the table.

And she smiled.

Lance pulled out the heavy wooden chair and slowly sat down.

With his heart racing, they had a five-minute conversation.

At the end, he asked her to meet him for coffee.

That started it all for Lance.

Is his nervousness gone now?

“I still get nervous with women,” Lance says. “It’s a blessing when I get nervous.”

“If I get nervous, that means I have to step up. That means I have to dig deep. I have to get more energy. And if I feel that nervousness, well, I just know I need to dig deeper.”

“I’ve done some really tough things when I was ready for it,” Lance says. “You want to take it step by step by step, but you also want to keep progressing.

“You want to keep putting yourself in situations that are more difficult than they were before, not because that’s necessarily going to get you the best women, but because it’s just that sense of confidence, that hey, if I need to dig deep, I can.”

Lance feels that you always perform better when people are looking at you.

“A lot of the best performers are known for having intense stage fright,” Lance explains. “That’s not an accident. Because they have so much stage fright, they have that much energy just going onstage, and they know they need that energy.”

“You don’t want it to be so much that you’re unaware of what’s going on with her, but you want it to be enough that you can get her attention right away.

“Inject that energy into her conversation,” says Lance.

“Whatever’s going on in her world right now, you can give her that boost of positive energy. She’s going to be like, ‘Wow, this guy just made things better around here. I’m going to hang out and I’m going to get to know this guy.'”

Do you want to learn how to progress step by step by step with women? If so, you’ll want to get my new program,

There are over ten hours of bonus infield recordings and guru interviews.

Lance came through for me and ended up doing not just one, but two fantastic interviews for She’s Six Steps Away.

And as usual, Lance delivers with the goods.

He takes my basic framework of stepping up to gradually more challenging situations, and adds some mind-blowing real-world techniques of his own.

Go get it now:

You can find out more about Lance at


posted in Initiative and Inhibition

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