Everything in your brain tells you not to listen to that urge.
The things it says seem stupid and silly.
Alarms go off in your brain, telling you that listening to the urge will get you into trouble.
You know that if you should decide to let those words out of you, they’ll stumble out like a drunk man leaving a bar on a saturday night, falling with every step, landing you into the middle of the road.
Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing–you will say the wrong thing.
I guarantee it.
There will be every excuse in the book: What I’m saying isn’t clever enough, it’ll ruin this interaction, they won’t like me, they’ll think I’m weird, they won’t get the joke, they’ll get offended, it’s not their kind of humor, they aren’t into banter, they just want someone to be nice to them, they like me already–I shouldn’t push it.
When you’re with someone you feel completely comfortable around, you don’t have the extrovert urge. You are extroverted.
It is who you are in so many ways. It’s not something you need to cultivate and grow, because it’s already there, in it’s fully glory.
Being an extrovert comes down to two things:
1. Knowing what to say
2. Being able to say it
Knowing what to say is skill, interpersonal skill. And you’ve already got a lot more skill than you realize.
You may get the urge to look down at her tits and say “nice tits.”
You’ve got enough skill to NOT say that. You know better. You’ve been on this planet long enough.
Now what it comes down to is being able to say things. Most of what you say is actually probably appropriate.
90% of your problem probably rests in the fact that YOU DON’T SAY WHAT COMES TO YOU.
When you do start exercising that muscle, the things that come to you are actually fun, creative and intelligent.
I haven’t gotten any more brilliant since I started learning how to meet people.
I’ve gotten better at knowing when and how I can be myself, knowing what parts of me to show to her.
Your main tool when it comes to all of this is having fun.
If you’ve ever jostled and joke with your friends or family, then you already have some grasp on how to banter.
When you get that extrovert urge, don’t resist it!
posted in Initiative and InhibitionCOMMENTS