I’m sitting in the park at a table with my client as he explains what is keeping him from approaching women.
He a works in a restaurant and doesn’t have a college degree.
This bothers him.
“Every time I go to approach a woman, I think about the fact that I don’t have a college degree and it stops me from approaching her.”
“The best guys I know,” I tell him, “do not have college degrees. In fact, they’re not what you would call typically book smart. They’re emotionally smart.”
“Does that make you feel better?” I ask him.
“Yeah, it does.”
“Well, guess what?” I inform him. “You’re still going to get approach anxiety.”
Approach anxiety is not something you can think away.
I could tell you the best thing in the world. It may give you a bit more confidence, but when you go to approach a woman, your body will still react.
Approach anxiety, as well as confidence, is somatic. It’s in your body.
In 1923, a psychologist named Edouard Claparede did an experiment. A patient of his had short term memory loss.
Every single day when he went to see this patient, he would have to introduce himself again because she didn’t recognize his face or know who he was.
One day he hid a pin in the palm of his hand. This time, when he introduced himself and shook her hand, he pricked her hand with the pin.
The next day he went back to visit her again. She still did not recognize him. So, as usual, he introduced himself.
But this time, she would not shake his hand.
Even from one single bad experience, your body remembers.
This information is not stored in the same part of your brain as the one you use for reading, talking, reasoning, and recalling specific events.
It is stored in the core of your brain which regulates fear, jealousy, and sexual attraction, and controls basic bodily functions like hunger and breathing.
You can’t think your way past approach anxiety. It happens automatically and involuntarily.
Even the excuses you get when you feel approach anxiety are manifestations of your base fear.
The only way to get past approach anxiety is physically with your body.
By doing physical exercises, over and over, you teach your body to get past approach anxiety.
Not in the mood to think about pickup? Even better. Just take some sort of physical action.
Feeling tired, out of sorts, and in a bad mood? It’s not a problem, as long as you are out there moving your body.
As you take physical action, you start to build a new memory in your body, one that remembers positive experiences with attractive women.
As you teach your body, over and over, that there really is nothing to be afraid of, you start to gain physical confidence.
That’s what she’s attracted to. She’s not attracted to your pensive contemplation. She wants your body.
This article was simultaneously posted on InnerConfidence.com
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posted in Initiative and Inhibition, Self-Improvement Strategies
COMMENTS
Before the Six Step Method, I couldn’t even ask someone what time it was. Now, I go out some days like a seek-and-destroy missile. When I see a beautiful woman, I’m there. I have the tools to start a conversation and be interesting, engaging, and attractive from the start.
This book is practical and concise. Everything involves a tangible step I could take to break out of my comfort zone. The most important difference between your approach and others: like any artistic pursuit, you must treat yourself with kindness.
I don’t hesitate to say that this book could be life-changing for those of us who clearly need to do something about our romantic lives and are looking for a way to do that that will make us not just better with women, but able to feel better about ourselves and to view the world as a less hostile place.
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