Today’s post is brought to you by one of my first coaches and one of my favorite people, Daniel Johnson (see Daniel Johson Loves You for more!)
Super Mario Has No Fear
By Daniel Johnson
I’m gonna give you a simple analogy that you should all be able to relate to Video Games!
No, I’m not saying that meeting women is like playing video games — hell no!
Meeting women is a beautiful organic and spontaneous process that should be full of life and humanity. That’s not a video game, so don’t even go there.
I’m talking about the challenges of your own inner demons. I’m gonna take a second to compare your approach anxiety to a Koopa Troopa of life.
Let’s imagine a little kid inside of you playing video games. Video games are fun for a reason. And, beyond fun, for many they are even addictive. Kids simply get hooked.
There are many reasons why a video game becomes addictive, and the video game companies know this probably better than I do. But one main reason is the constant challenge.
Video games are constantly challenging you at the perfect level for your skill. And therefore, you constantly want to keep playing to push yourself to the next level.
If we gave this little kid inside of you a really simple game, let’s say ‘Bambi Learns the Alphabet,’ what’s your kid gonna do?
He’s gonna get bored.
He’ll turn off the video game and leave the room.
If you’re reading this, this probably isn’t your problem.
You probably don’t go out to talk to women and then say to yourself: “This is so boring. There’s no challenge in talking to a woman I don’t know.”
Most guys don’t face boredom. For most guys, it’s actually the opposite.
Let’s say you take this little kid inside you and you give him the most awesomist neato game with explosions and hot chicks and lots of game money. And, then you tell him:
“The best part is the end. Just go to level 47 and finish it and you can watch the cool graphics where the machine gun girl does her bikini dance.”
So, he pops the video game in and tries to go right to level 47. What happens?
His character is killed in 10 seconds.
Next try, he’s dead in 7 seconds.
Death after video game death, he continues to get pummeled.
And, about 10 minutes later, he’s taking a hammer to the stupid little game system.
Then, he gets up and leaves the room.
Ok, the little kid is pretty pissed off by now. First we gave him something way too boring. And now something way too difficult. The poor guy is suffering.
Well, the fact is that most games you can’t even put it in and start on level 47. They don’t let you! Why?
Because video game makers know how to set a good challenge.
But, let’s go back to that kid who’s on level 47. He’s dying over and over and he’s frustrated as hell. Hmmm. Does this sound familiar?
This is where I see most guys who are trying to tackle their approach anxiety. They’re setting themselves up for failure and then getting frustrated with their results.
Now, imagine we take that frustrated little boy, and we put him on level 47, and now we try to FORCE him to beat level 47. Yikes!
What if, by some feat of pure brutality, you actually did get him to beat level 47? Do you think he’ll enjoy the cool machine gun girl graphics at the end? Will he even care that he beat level 47?
No, he’ll probably still throw the machine at you.
See, so many guys set a challenge for themselves that is too high and then beat themselves up for not achieving it.
We think that because we are ‘men’ this method would work. But, we neglect the little kid inside us who really just wants to do whatever is fun.
Meeting women, getting better with women and growing as a man, it MUST BE FUN! It’s not optional.
But, fun doesn’t mean lazy. If you’ve ever watched a kid play video games, you can’t really call them lazy.
They don’t stop.
They hardly stop to go to the bathroom, and probably wont stop to eat (just push pause while shoveling another forkful down their throat). Zombified perhaps, but not lazy.
These kids are constantly getting to the next level and constantly increasing their skill level in that game to complete harder and harder challenges.
That’s the idea. I don’t want you to be lazy. I want you to make changes, but in a way that sucks you in and keeps you entertained.
Imagine if dissolving your approach anxiety was as fun as Super Mario 3D. How much time would you put into it? How often would you work on it? How dedicated would you be?
Most guys want to jump right in and beat the game on the first try. They just want approach anxiety to be gone and done forever.
I understand that – it doesn’t feel good, so why not just ditch it.
But, what sucks is that the resistance makes the anxiety stronger. The more you resist, the more it strengthens it’s grasp on you.
So, let’s try a fresh approach. Let’s see if we can’t make it fun.
The first step is to design your level one. Figure out what is the most simple easiest task for you to do, right now.
Perhaps, this will be to just go out and say ‘Hi’ to strangers. Just say hi. I know, it’s not flashy, like level 47, but it’s a start.
Ok, so level one is to say ‘Hi’ to strangers, so level two is to approach the hottest girl in the club, right?
Don’t jump ahead.
Design your level two with as much care as your level one. Maybe level 2 is to say ‘Hi’ to strangers in a place where you aren’t comfortable.
If you don’t go to bars, then go to a bar and say ‘Hi’ to strangers. If you don’t feel comfortable in a cafe, do it there.
If you don’t feel comfortable on the sidewalk, do it there.
Level 3 may be saying ‘Hi’ to attractive women, not just anybody.
Then, level 4 may be saying ‘Hi’ plus a compliment.
On and on. You’ll have to discover for yourself.
Do you see where we’re going with this? Find the little challenges. Increase the challenge gradually.
And, the main guideline for you to follow should be this: If you’re frustrated and in pain and stressed out–then your challenge is too high. You’re jumping to level 47.
Press the reset button and start back at the beginning.
If, by some random chance, you find yourself bored. Well, then I give you full permission to challenge yourself more. Put in a new game or punch in the secret code that unlocks all the magical weapons and stuff.
So, as I let you loose into the world to grab the game controller of life, I’ll repeat what I said in the beginning.
Play the game of improving yourself as a Man. But, don’t play the game of women.
Women aren’t a game, they are beautiful loving creatures, and the benefits of meaningful relationships with women go WAY beyond just cool graphics and lots of explosions.
It may be tough to make it through all those levels of challenge, but the end reward may be a satisfaction beyond anything you’ve ever imagined.
Keep plugging away at it. Keep putting in the effort and you’ll find the rewards.
posted in Self-Improvement StrategiesCOMMENTS