There was a while when I was getting better with women.
And I was hooking up a lot more than I ever had in my life.
But for some reason, the sex was getting worse–at least for me.
I was enjoying it less. It felt more mechanical and less fun.
Part of it was that sex was becoming an end in itself. I was too focused on getting it.
Okay, now that I can get it, what next?
I started to realize, sex is way more than sticking your member in someone’s hole.
Boring sex sucks. Believe me. I’d rather go home and masturbate.
And I don’t blame the girl, I blame me for that. I’m the guy and it’s my job to make the sex fun and interesting.
So I made it my mission to figure out what would make sex hotter for her–and for me.
I set my mind on taking sex from boring and mechanical to unbelievably mind-blowing.
A huge part of this is that as I’ve gotten better with women, I’ve learned to sit back, relax and truly enjoy the moment more–without worrying about where things are going as much.
I know I could get sex if I want to. It’s not that big a deal anymore.
That’s made it better.
But there are a number of other aspects that have turned things around.
I’m not going to go into the physical and technical aspects of good sex (like putting a pillow under her ass when you’re in missionary position–try it, it works great).It’s actually the non-technical things which tend to make a lot more of a difference.
Sex is about excitement and enjoying things along the way.
Here are my top seven tips to go from boring and predictable to mind-blowing sex.
1. (and 2. and 3.) Location, location, location.
There’s a saying in real estate. When purchasing a new house or apartment, the three most important things are: location, location, location.
The same is true when you want to spice up sex.
Want to make things interesting? Start anywhere but the bedroom.
You’re walking back from a bar or restaurant at night, pull her into an empty doorway and get frisky. Or take her down a dark alley for a quicky.
You’re walking up the stairs to your apartment, at every flight, push her up against a wall and start to make out, pulling up her skirt. Then you slam on the breaks, grab her by the hand and say “C’mon! Stop it! Someone might see!”
You’re at a party in a secluded rooftop area. She’s overlooking the city. Move in from behind.
You’re in a crowded movie theater. It’s super dark and she’s wearing an easy-access black skirt.
You’re on a night flight and she’s in the seat next to you.
You’re at a family gathering, in the next room, open door where someone could easily catch you.
A large part of this is the risk of getting caught. Danger heightens the sexual intensity.
But it’s also something else. As I’ve said before, you don’t live in your house. You live in the world. And to have sex out there is something entirely different.
4. Banter in bed.
Banter is one of those great tools that shows a girl you aren’t afraid to lose her. It keeps her gently on edge around you and at the same time makes everything more fun.
Particularly when you first meet a girl, and things finally start happening sexually, there is a tendency for guys to stop all the flirting and fun.
You get quiet and just try to get down to business.
You get quiet because you’re afraid to do anything that might make her change her mind and stop the momentum.
No one wants a comedian in bed, but it’s an excellent show of confidence when you can still joke around once in a while.
A girl is going down on you and she coughs. “Oh my god, did you just cough on me? Gross! Now I’m gonna get girl cooties!”
Or give her a playful smack on the ass and call her a brat.
5. Make noise.
A big part of learning to get good with women is showing interest and disinterest at the appropriate times.
If you show far too much interest in her physical appearance at the beginning, it’s a problem. Too many physical compliments will turn her off fast.
As guys get better with women, they change up their style so that there is not so much of that.
But in bed, the rules change a bit. You can pour on a lot more validation.
Tell her she has a beautiful body.
Tell her she’s driving you crazy.
And most importantly, when you finally do have sex, don’t be afraid to be exclamatory. (“Oh my god.” “Oh yeah.” etc.)
This is one of the biggest things that has improved sex FOR ME.
I used to be too quiet during sex. Now I talk dirty a lot more during sex.
Don’t know what to say? Check out some porn. Porn is an entire universe of great things to say during sex.
Or check out this hilarious guide of things to say–and not say–during sex.
The reason sex has gotten better for me when I make noise is that I am expressing myself.
It makes me less inhibited, I hold back less and end up enjoying myself more.
6. Change up the style.
Particularly in a relationship, it’s easy to get caught up in doing what you’ve already been doing.
But one of the best things you can do to make things unpredictable and exciting is change up your style.
Start off as slow as possible, teasing and touching, holding off on the sex for as long as possible, until she’s practically begging for it.
Look her in the eyes romantically as you fuck her slowly.
Great. That works. But don’t always do that. Next time, be explosive, dominant and passionate. Grab her hair* and do it from behind while talking dirty to her.
*Some women don’t like having their hair pulled, you may want to test the waters by going slow first or even throwing something out like “I think you need your hair pulled.”
There was a recent study that found that 75% of women felt their guys could be a lot rougher during sex.
If all you’ve been doing is slow and mellow, try hard and fast. Try taking things a bit rougher.
Even within the same sitting, it’s a good idea to change things up a lot.
Go slow and deep for a while. Hard and fast. Shallow and quick.
Hit it from different angles and different positions. Try out a lot of things.
And importnatly, listen to what’s turning her on and keep doing more of it. You’ll get turned on as she gets turned on.
You may surprise yourself and get into something you never realized you like because she’s so turned on.
7. Challenge her.
With my last girlfriend, we were exploring the realm of threesomes.
Neither of us had done it before but it seemed like something fun to me.
I was a bit worried though, that she would get turned off by it because there was some hesitation on her part.
The nice guy in me was worried that she would get offended or that she would lose attraction for me.
The exact opposite happened.
It actually made her want me even more.
Because I was challenging her.
I was risking the relationship a bit by pushing for something risquÂÂ«Â±, but it was also a show of confidence.
It showed her I was confident enough in her feelings for me that I wasn’t afraid of losing her.
There are a lot of ways outside of normal vanilla sex that you can challenge her.
Take pictures or video. Try anal. Do some spanking or SM. Change up the location.
After sex, don’t allow her to put her panties on as you leave the house with her in a short skirt.
Or make her give you her panties under the table in a crowded restaurant.
I can’t prescribe the exact amount of challenge that will work with each woman, each relationship, or even each stage of the relationship.
The right amount of challenge is up to you to figure out. And it certainly involves feeling out the situation.
One aspect of this is that she may protest at first. When you say “We should take video” and she says No, then no means no.
But in future interactions, as she warms up to the idea of doing something she’s afraid of doing, once she says yes, it can be a huge turn on for both of you.
The idea is that you are gently pushing her out of her comfort zone a bit.
This is a big turn on for her.
For some girls, something as simple as having sex in the kitchen instead of the bedroom is pushing her out of her comfort zone.
For others women, they may be a lot more experienced than you and it’s you who will actually be pushed out of your comfort zone.
Challenging her also builds trust between the two of you.
I used to worry that being too risquÂÂ«Â± would destroy the trust. And it can.
But at the same time, when she finally gives herself to you, she has trusted you in a deep way that wouldn’t have come otherwise.
It should be clear that you are never ever forcing a woman to do something she’s indicated she doesn’t want to do.
And you aren’t convincing, cojoling or getting upset if she doesn’t want to do something that’s outside of her comfort zone.
Lance Mason presents a great analogy. The mindset is like offering her ice cream.
Let’s say you were with a woman who had never had ice cream before.
You suggest she try it and she resists.
You wouldn’t get upset or push hard. You would matter-of-factly talk about it as if it would be really fun to try, but not something hugely important to you.
“Wow, you’ve never done that before?? Oh man. It’s pretty good. You would love it. We should try it some time.”
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