Perfection is the First Step

I am walking through Union Square with a student. It is one of the coldest days of the year.

The next step in the process, I tell him, is to simply ask someone for directions.

There are people walking toward us. I stop a cute woman.

“Hey,” I say smiling. “Can you tell me how to get to the library?”

She stops and turns and starts talking to us.

She is smiling and friendly. She’s happy to be talking to us, even though it is freezing cold out.

She explains how to get to the library.

And she keeps explaining.

I could continue to talk to her if I wanted to. She’s not going anywhere.

Instead I say “Thanks for your help!” I turn and walk off with my student.

“Ask someone how to get to Barnes and Noble,” I tell him.

We are a block away. The store is in sight. He finally picks someone to ask.

They stop for a moment and say “It’s right there.” In less than a second they are on their way.

There are a lot of things he could have done differently.

He could have spoken louder and projected his voice. This would have given him an air of confidence and leadership.

He could have looked them in the eye more.

He could have stopped walking.

He could have been closer while facing away, so that he could give a touch on the arm if he wanted to.

“That was perfect,” I tell him.

“What do you mean?” he says. “It wasn’t perfect!” He knows he could have gotten a better reaction.

It was perfect, I tell him, because you did what you set out to do.

There were many things you could have changed. And we’ll work on those.

But before you can change anything, you need to start taking initiative. You need to take initiative without worrying about the outcome.

Before you can start to work on how you’re doing it, you need to work on doing it without any outcome in mind.

When you walk away from the interaction, your first instinct should be: I fucking rock. I took action.

This is the make or break point for becoming great with women. It all happens in that instant.

When you start out, you question yourself and how you did it. You didn’t get the best reaction. You were hoping for more.

You want to be confident.

Speaking loudly, moving slowly, giving good eye contact are all characteristics of a charismatic leader.

Those are the characteristics you are adopting. She will be drawn to you because of those characteristics.

But the most important characteristic is the ability to take initiative.

By taking initiative on a consistent basis, you begin to counter the inhibition you feel every time you take initiative.

The next time you feel inclined to talk to a woman, go over and say something to her. Say ANYTHING. Ask for directions. Ask for the time.

And walk away from the interaction without any judgment.

Walk away without any evaluation of your performance.

Walk away telling yourself how awesome you are for just having done it.

There will be time for evaluation and judgment. But make this your first priority. Do this for a few weeks before you begin to judge yourself.

And feel your confidence build like nothing else.

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posted in Ramp Up