This was posted by someone on Reddit. Every guy out there trying to meet women should take this to heart.
Your mind seeks comfort. It will trick you into complacency whenever possible. You can rationalize excuses for not chasing what you want, but ultimately your reality is incongruous with your desires. This dissonance will build and inevitably manifest through depression, anxiety, and hopelessness.
Once you’re here, it can become very difficult to escape. It can seem like the only way you’ll ever become happy is if you have all the things you’ve ever wanted (multiple fwb, attention and validation from girls and friends, etc.) The more hopeless you become, the further you feel you are from ever realistically reaching these goals. Taking a large leap like approaching a random girl or even going on a date from a hopeless state like this can cause gut-wrenching anxiety that makes it feel like you’ll never be successful as a man.
The way out of this hole is incredibly simple. You have to fucking climb. It can be an inch at a time, but as long as you’re making consistent progress, you can find solace in the fact that you will, by sheer will and inevitability, become a successful man.
There’s no better way to suck the joy out of life than to convince yourself that you’ll “finally be happy” when you’ve achieved X. Gaining 30lb of muscle will improve your life immeasurably, sure. Getting that girl will be gratifying, yes. But these accomplishments won’t make you happy. When you’ve achieved them, all you’ll think about is how they didn’t live up to your expectations. This mindset will make you chronically dissatisfied. It will only push you further back into hopelessness. I know because I’ve been there.
To enjoy life is to enjoy the process. Gratitude changes everything. This may sound like self-help BS, but it’s true. When I think back to my most content state, it wasn’t mid-orgasm in some random chick. Some of my happiest days have been spent entirely in my own company, eating, lifting, and doing whatever suits me. Be grateful for the fact that you’re able-bodied, young, and male. Be grateful for the fact that you have the opportunity to improve yourself physically, mentally, and socially. Be grateful for the fact that you can bring value and laughter into other people’s lives. Shit really ain’t that serious, dude.
Lift, meditate, and read. Play an instrument. Go for a walk. Pet a cat. In the long term, these are the things that make life worth living – not the attention of some vain 19 year old girl who spends her day on instagram. Chasing her validation will lead you absolutely nowhere. Sure, the prospect of sex can be exciting. But don’t ever confuse that excitement with the promise of happiness.
The truth is, no girl can make you happy. If you’re already happy, she can add to your life, sure. But if you feel truly hopeless, a girl’s validation can only provide fleeting hope – a hope that will fade when she inevitably loses attraction for the weak, needy version of you.
I’m not gonna profess to be an expert on any of this shit. I’m very early on in this journey myself (I’m only 19 ffs). But I just recently began to pull myself out of a hopeless depression much like what I described, and I thought that someone could benefit from hearing this.
Stay strong boys, and keep climbing.
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