“Are you mad?” she asks me.
“Dogs get mad. People get angry,” I tell her. “And no, I’m not angry.”
It’s true. I rarely ever get angry at women, particularly in the first few months of a relationship.
If she does something I don’t like, I don’t get angry.
In fact, I sometimes like it.
I see it as an opportunity to train her.
The instant I feel myself start to get angry, I take action.
I push her away from me.
I give her less attention, less of my time, less validation, less sex, etc.
I give her less of me.
I am the prize.
When she misbehaves, I don’t need to get angry at her. I just push her out of my life a commensurate amount.
Maybe she says something minor that annoys me or gets angry at me for some stupid reason. I’ll go quiet for a while.
If she does something that irritates me in a more major way, I may text her less or not at all, I may cancel our next hangout or end a date in the middle of it and go home alone.
If she does something majorly wrong, I may take away exclusivity, put her into friend zone or break up with her.
My relationship is in many ways like an employer-employee relationship. I’m the employer. I pay her with my time and attention based on her good behavior.
If I start giving her too much time and attention too early before she’s earned it, she may get lazy and stop working.
She may stop appreciating me. She may pick fights over stupid things.
If I let her get away with bad behavior, I will surely see more bad behavior.
That’s when I lower her pay and make it clear that she needs to work harder to get the payment.
As I take away my attention, I usually try to communicate either directly or indirectly what it is she’s doing wrong.
For example, if she doesn’t sleep with me for some reason, I may put her in friend zone and tell her I’m getting a friend vibe from her.
What if it seems like she has a good reason for her actions?
Let’s say she was supposed to call you one night and you never hear from her. The next day she tells you she fell asleep early because she had a really long day.
You don’t know whether that’s true or not but maybe it sounds true.
To me, it doesn’t matter. I still push her away. Maybe I don’t respond to her calls or texts for a couple of hours.
If she creates space between the two of you, you should create just as much back.
That makes her feel comfortable! It makes her appreciate you and respect the relationship.
She may not know it, but she wants that. She wants to feel in love with you.
This is why 90% of the time you need to ignore her words and watch her actions.
If she pushes you away, you push back.
Whenever you find yourself getting angry or hurt, think about what action you can take instead of what you could say to her. Words are worthless. Actions are everything.
She wants to know your boundaries, what’s acceptable to you and how close she can get. You are the one to show her that and teach her exactly how to treat you.
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