I glance over at her eating. There’s a guy across from her.
I get up and walk across the restaurant to the bathroom. As I do so in my mind I start to make myself promises.
I am going to get so good with women.
Soon, I will be good enough to get a girl exactly like that, a girl that fills me with as much desire as this girl does.
And I notice the promises I make to myself.
I’m going to do this or that for the next month.
Next week I’m going to go out hardcore. I’m going to learn this technique or that technique.
The disconnect sets in.
How do you stay motivated, was a question on my mind for the longest time. A huge part of getting past your fear is staying motivated.
What keeps you motivated? What keeps me motivated?
It was right there all along. The motivation. I was simply disconnected from it.
That rush of desire I feel motivates me. Simple and pure. The fire.
But instead of acting on it as soon as possible, I push it away. I make promises to myself.
With social anxiety, the situation is never quite perfect enough.
I’m wearing the wrong shoes.
I didn’t sleep well last night.
I don’t have the emotional energy right now.
It feels like I need to save up my energy to socialize.
In fact, it is the other way round. The more I take small initiatives in the direction I want to go, the more progress I am making.
Small, manageable initiatives.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, the saying goes.
Well an ounce of do-it-now is worth a pound of do-it-later. That pound of do-it-later can start to get pretty heavy.
Instead of making promises to myself to go out and approach twenty girls next weekend, it is better if I approach one every day this week.
Instead of making promises to myself that I’ll approach one girl every day next week, I’ll go out RIGHT NOW and talk to a few girls, even if it’s just to ask for directions.
A long time ago I heard a “guru” talk about how he likes to mentally reduce his own sexual attraction for a girl in his mind before he talks to her. That makes it easier to approach her.
I want to do the opposite.
I want my desire to be as closely linked as possible to my motivation to talk to her. I can do that by going out and DOING SOMETHING as soon as I get that desire.
It doesn’t matter what, as long as it’s something, as long as it’s NOW.
It’s better to do something right now, half-assed, then to put it off until I am perfect. Because that day will never come.
Prepare as much as possible. Learn as much as possible.
But firstly–PRACTICE, as often and as consistently as possible, reconnecting to that precious desire that motivates you.
posted in Initiative and InhibitionCOMMENTS