Just Say the Words to Her

Being alive means being spontaneous, being open to new experiences.

One of the most important things we teach guys in our workshops is to LISTEN to what the girl is saying.

Appreciate her.

When you can do this, 90% of your work is done.

Most of the time now, when I go up to women and talk to them, I do not have any specific words in my head that I will say to them.

I love to be spontaneous.

When I say something to a woman that I’ve never said before, whether it’s fun playful banter, or something deep and emotional I’ve never told anyone–that is when I am truly alive.

This is what you are aiming for.

An interaction that is as personal as childhood memories.

An innocence that only comes when both of you have abandoned your security.

One of the best things you can do with women is be spontaneous. Be unexpected.

When men talk to a beautiful woman, they are often so enthralled that they become very careful around her.

They don’t want to say anything to ruin the interaction.

And it bores these women to death.

When you are exploring yourself along with exploring her, she can feel it.

When you are swept off your feet by the situation and you have courage and move forward with those feelings, she can feel it.

When your inner dialogue is silenced and you bask in each other’s presence, all that’s left is the feeling both of you share.

It is a beautiful thing.

That is why I recommend that guys carefully plan out the exact words they will say to women.

Yes, you read that right.

Am I joking? No, I’m not.

Those precious moments will come. And it’s important to stay focused on who you are, who she is, and what you are looking for.

There is nothing more important than being able to listen to her.

But I know you, dear reader, as well as I know myself.

You are paralyzed by your emotions right now. You’ve had years and years and years of learning the wrong lesson:

Do not take action because bad things will happen.

Do not take initiative because you will fail.

And I also know that no matter how much you realize and believe in your mind that the words are not the most important thing, once you get out there, all of a sudden what you say becomes monumentally important in your mind.

I know, because I’m the same way.

At the beginning, knowing exactly what you are going to say to her can be a valuable crutch to do the most important thing of all: just getting out there and doing it.

I get a lot of guys that write me and say that they are able to take the first two steps of my program.

They are able to get out on a regular basis. And they are able to ask for directions.

But to just walk up to a woman with no pretense and just say hi is extremely difficult for them.

Why? You are able to approach her and ask for directions, so why can’t you approach her and say “I just wanted to come say hi. My name’s ___”?

You are getting tripped up by words.

Your long term goal is to be able to be uninhibited around women, to be yourself around them RIGHT when you meet them.

But guess what? It’s NOT going to happen right away.

So in the beginning, it’s okay to just say the words.

Have words to say and go up to her and say them. It’s okay. You aren’t going to be superman from the start.

Write down exactly what you are going to say to her, from the first word to the last. You can even practice it in front of the mirror if you want.

For example, you could do something like this:

Opener: “I was walking by and I just wanted to come say hi. My name’s _____”

Shake hands.

Conversation Starter: “How is your day going today?”

Share something about yourself: “I was just out taking a break from working on music/reading/whatever. It’s a beautiful day out.”

End the Conversation: “Well, it was great meeting you, have a great day!”

Walk away.

There, you did it.

Keep your eye on the prize. The thing that will ultimately connect the two of you is listening to her and truly understanding who she is.

You want to be you around her. You want to be fun and spontaneous. And this is a good desire.

In the beginning though, focus on just taking action. Focus on getting your feet moving.

By taking action, you will cultivate that spontaneous element that will allow you to be you around that amazing woman.

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition