I've Got Fucking Balls

It is toward the end of our second coaching session.

Patrick has learned the first two steps: to get comfortable in a location and to position himself next to women he’s interested in.

We are in whole foods. We have been walking around downstairs. He will pick up an item of food and ask a woman how it is.

After she responds he says “Thank you” and walks away.

He does not continue the conversation.

I’ve forbidden him from doing so.

“What were you going to tell me?” I say to him when he returns.

“I’ve got fucking balls,” he says to me.

This is what he says to me after every interaction. I do this with all my clients.

We come up with a phrase in the language he would normally use that he will come back and tell me after every interaction.

For some clients, the phrase might be “I’m fucking awesome.” For another client the phrase might be something more elaborate and specialized, something that has significance to him.

“Good,” I say to him. “You do have fucking balls. That girl was really hot.”

Next we go upstairs to the cafeteria in whole foods. The place is packed with people sitting at tables eating meals, talking with friends, working at computers and on their phones. The layout feels very, very different than people standing around looking at food items.

“First we’re going to take a walk around the place and get comfortable there,” I tell him. “Then you’re going to stand next to someone. Then you’ll ask them how the food is or if there’s a place to get internet around here.”

He walks around the cafeteria with me and we come to rest in a place where we can see the entire cafeteria.

“There’s a cute girl over there giving us some eye contact,” I tell him.

I can tell he’s a little hesitant so I tell him I can demonstrate for him.

I walk across the cafeteria. I walk over to a section that is a bit out of the way as if I’m looking for a seat. I stop for a moment next to a cute blond. I look at my phone.

Then I ask her if there is a place to get on the internet and she responds. I thank her and walk away.

I come back over to Patrick. I tell him there’s another cute girl on the other side of the cafeteria.

He looks over at her.

I can see it as he loses eye contact with me: apprehension. A slight submissive smile comes across his face as he looks back to me. He’s thinking about doing it but is having very serious considerations.

We have reached a critical juncture.

“Okay, stop,” I tell him. “This is perfect. This is exactly where we need to be right now. This is the entire point of this program,” I tell him.

If you feel too much anxiety to take any given step–this particular step is walking up to a girl and opening your mouth–you fall back to the previous step–simply standing next to someone.

There should never be too much anxiety there. Even if you’ve been able to do full-on approaches in the past, like Patrick has, you should never be at a point where the anxiety feels overwhelming. That causes too much trauma to the body.

Instead, take some kind of action. Simply walk over to her and stand next to her. And if that action is too much, see if you can simply take a walk around the place and get yourself comfortable.

This moment is not the end-all be-all. There will be other chances to improve. She is not the last girl in the world.

More important, you are learning to be sensitive to your own body and take things one step at a time.

You are coming out of your comfort zone gently.

Do not throw yourself to the wolves. This will simply leave you with more anxiety next time.

I discuss these concepts with him. “If you learn anything today, learn this, ” I tell him.

“Okay, how about you simply walk over and put yourself in her vicinity? How do you feel about that?” I ask him.

That seems much easier to him. He goes over and does that.

He comes back over to where I’m standing and repeats the words to me.

“I’ve got fucking balls,” he says.
…..

“Eric is the source for getting over approach anxiety. No matter what level you begin at, I can tell you, anxiety is over 90% of the game. It sure was for me. With Eric’s practical solutions, I went from being scared and insecure to approaching every single day. And the best part is–it’s a lot of fun!” – Coaching Client

Find out how to get past approach anxiety once and for all with my Charismatic Confidence Mentoring Program.

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posted in Coaching Experiences, Initiative and Inhibition