Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like anxiety.
My heart doesn’t race. My palms don’t sweat. I don’t get light-headed. My throat doesn’t constrict.
But it is there. Like an invisible wall.
My feet will not move forward.
I stand there on the crowded subway platform. I promised myself I would talk to a girl today. Just ask for directions. That’s all.
But I can’t. I physically cannot walk up to her and ask for directions.
What is going on with me?
I see a lot of guys who struggle to do their first approach. It seems like such a simple thing to walk up to a girl and say “Hey, I just wanted to come say hi.”
But your body doesn’t let you.
It doesn’t matter how badly you want to do it, how many promises you make to yourself, how much you resolve to do it.
It is the same fear that prevents you from stepping off of a cliff. And it feels just as strong. So you don’t approach her.
And THAT’S GOOD.
DO NOT DO IT.
I am telling you right now.
You will hurt yourself if you do.
What would happen if you walked into a gym and, without ever having weight-training, you decided you wanted to bench-press 250 pounds?
You would not be able to.
And if you tried, you would probably hurt yourself.
Even if you were a naturally big and athletic guy and you could lift it once or twice, you wouldn’t be able to keep it up. You certainly wouldn’t be able to do it tomorrow.
And you know that.
So what do guys do?
They scale back to 235 lbs. Start easy, right?
C’mon, I don’t even need to finish this post. You know exactly where this is going.
Do something MANAGEABLE, something you can do every day. And get stronger.
Step One: Go to the fucking gym. This is step one. Step one isn’t lift lighter weights. Step one is the hardest part. Get your lazy ass out to the gym. This means get out there on a regular schedule meeting women, regardless of what action you are taking once you are out there. Nothing will happen until your feet are moving. Just get out. Don’t approach anyone. Just get out regularly.
Step Two: Start with lighter weights, something manageable, something you can do a whole bunch of times. I know I know, we all want to lift 250 pounds. Well guess what? You aren’t strong enough. And even if you could do it once, it would kill you. Start with something light, like asking people for directions. Do a whole bunch of these at the same time every day and come back in a week or two.
Step Three: Wow, asking people for directions wasn’t as easy as it seems, especially at the start. But you did it. Okay great, we’ve built up some confidence. Now start increasing the weight because you KNOW you can do more. Notice I didn’t say, after a week, do 250 pounds. Build up your confidence first. Go out for two or three weeks. Then start to introduce yourself to women.
I did this.
I STILL DO THIS. If I haven’t approached for a while and I feel rusty, my first step is to just go out. Then I do some warm-up approaches. And then I start approaching.
Don’t pretend you’re superman.
When you finally do start benching that 250 pounds–and you will–you’ll feel better than superman.
Because you can look back at the person you used to be, and know that you built your confidence the only way it is possible: one step at a time.
Want more details on how to make this work successfully?
Download my free e-book here.
This is the best book I’ve ever read in the community. Do not underestimate the techniques in this book! – LJP
posted in Ramp UpCOMMENTS