I used to think my brother-in-law didn’t like me. He and I are different in a lot of ways. But the main difference is that he is a naturally confident guy. He’s the type that’s not afraid to speak up and say whatever he wants. Naturally gregarious.
Whenever I got around him I become even more quiet and introverted, as shy guys often do around extroverted people. He would “bust” on me an crack jokes. I thought it meant that he didn’t like me. But that was just his way of communicating.
I saw him recently and everything was completely different. We got along. No, we didn’t get along famously. But we enjoyed each other’s company. And it’s all because I was able to stop worrying about the things that didn’t matter.
I often tell people that pickup is the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life. I don’t know if approaching girls is for everyone. But I believe that if you want it badly enough, anyone can get there.
And it will have a huge positive impact on your life.
I don’t worry about things as much as I used to. By learning to approach strangers, I’ve become “desensitized” to a lot of worries that just aren’t relevent.
After making a joke in front of people, I used to think and think and think about it. I’d review it in my head. I’d wonder, did I just say something inappropriate? Was that even really funny? What do they think of me now? Did it make the other people feel weird? Maybe he felt uncomfortable because of whatever…
I used to torture myself over the smallest things.
And the missed opportunities were even worse.
I used to go to therapy like probably everybody else in New York City. I had a great therapist Therapy is awesome, actually. I really enjoyed it. Where else can you go to yap your head off for a hour and say whatever you feel? It was kinda fun.
But all the years of therapy I went to didn’t come close to even 10% of what pickup has done for me. I learned some about myself in therapy, but pickup has left me more mentally balanced than anything I’ve ever done.
I learned to be a whole person.
Humans are social creatures. Whether we want to accept it or not, your social life is your mental life. If you are unhappy socially, it is very difficult to be happy mentally.
I used to feel sorry for myself. I’d see a guy with an attractive girl and I didn’t have any girl. I didn’t know how to change myself. So I felt sorry for myself.
I recently realized that I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. It’s not because I never get frustrated, or lonely, or lose out with girls, it’s because I feel like I have a way to improve myself and not be in that pathetic state.
I am now empowered.
There’s a difference, interacting with people on a level of being equals. Not living my life as an apology.
I don’t always connect with people. Sometimes I connect with people on a deep level and other times it’s just okay.
But I no longer leave the situation with huge amounts of guilt and shame, wondering what I did wrong or could have done right.
It’s not an easy road, but let me tell you, it’s worth it. Every step you take toward dealing with those difficult emotions that accompany becoming a confident person is a step closer to the person you want to be.
posted in Self-Improvement StrategiesCOMMENTS