I had gotten off the subway and I was walking home from work. There was a really sexy girl walking on the sidewalk about 20 feet ahead of me.
I watched her walk and considered talking to her.
Then my phone rang.
It was a girl who I’d met the other day. I was excited to hear from her.
“Hey!” I say into the phone. I was excited and smiling.
The girl ahead of me spins around. She thought I was talking to her. She soon realized I was speaking on the phone and turned back and kept walking.
But I had a realization at that moment.
Most people, when they talk to a stranger use a different tone of voice then when they talk to a friend.
Picture this scene:
You’re walking down the sidewalk. You get to an intersection crowded with people. You weren’t even supposed to see your best friend today and coincidentally you see him walk by. He doesn’t see you. You go up to him and tap him on the shoulder and say “Hey!”
What tone of voice are you using?
Compare that to this scene:
You’re walking down the sidewalk. You see a girl standing next to a building. You decide to approach her. You walk up to her and say “Hey.”
It should be the same one.
It’s called familiar voice tone. Most people use a different voice tone when they talk to a stranger than when they talk to a friend.
It tends to be lower, less excited, cautious. Subdued. The tone says “I don’t trust you yet.” And it triggers her defenses so that she is thinking in her head that she doesn’t trust you either.
Try this exercise. Go out and ask five different people for directions today. You can ask for directions to anything like the library, Barnes & Noble or Starbucks.
But when you go up to them and say “Hi” or “Hey,” I want you to pretend, as much as possible, that this person is your best friend and you just happened to run into them. Then just ask them for directions as you normally would.
Notice how they treat you differently. With your voice tone, you said “I am your best friend!”
Ideally, they will look at you to see if they know you from somewhere.