If I Had a Nickel for Every Chump Move I Made

by Eric Disco
Jan 5

My band had just finished performing. I was putting my gear away when this CUTE girl comes up to me and asks if I know where Khaya is. Khaya is one of the singers in my band. I pull out my chump moves and say “No.” Just like that. Everybody take notes. “Okay,” the girl says and walks away.

DOH! Why didn’t I banter with her a little??! I could have said anything. “Khaya is in my mouth.” Fucking anything. Anything better than “No.” I could have used semi-erect half-funny banter and it would have been better. Instead I acted like a deer in headlights.

I finish putting my gear away and set off to find Khaya.

Now, before you go thinking that I get laid from being in a band… I’ve been making music for over ten years. I don’t do it to get laid, I do it because I love it. But I’m always hoping that I’ll get laid through it. But I haven’t. Not once. Okay, so I have attracted a few moths to this flame. Girls always love it when a guy is passionate about something. But I always screwed it up because I had no game. If you want to do well with women, learn how to get better with women. If you want to make music, make music. But don’t expect your music to get you laid. It didn’t work for me.

Anyway, back to the story.

So I find Khaya. And this cute chick from before is sitting down next to this rocker looking guy. Okay, I say to myself, she must be with him. My chump moves haven’t cost me anything.

We all decide to head upstairs because the band that’s on sucks. As we walk up the stairs I am a pace behind her, watching her thinking “Oh my god, this girl is so sexy. I have to have her!”

I head to the bar and order a drink while she and Khaya and other peeps are talking. I decide I need to game this girl, just for my own satisfaction.

She is talking to my girl Khaya and so I walk over.

“Hey Eric,” Khaya says. “This is A–”

“Me and her met,” I say. “She was hitting on me downstairs.” I spout off some banter. Nothing super clever. But its enough to get me back on my feet. It is enough to show that I’m not a tool.

Khaya fades off to talk to some other people. Me and this girl start to vibe and go into rapport about how much she reads. I pull as much as I can out of her and then say “Let’s go sit down over there.”

We sit and start getting even deeper. Heavy heavy kino. We even start to kiss a bit. This girl is amazing.

Shane, one of the other members of Boyfriendgirlfriend comes up to me. He jokes a bit. We are always joking.

“It’s time for your lapdance, Eric.” I joke with him. I don’t even remember what I say. He gets the picture that me and this girl are in deep and he fades back.

Me and the girl go deeper and deeper into rapport. We make out some more. It is so ON.

Now, I just finished playing my first live show with my bandmates. As hot as this girl is, I wanna go hang out with them. So I tell this girl that. I go for the day 2.

And she says No.

“This is just for tonight, ” she says. She makes it clear she only wants to hang out tonight.

I say “Okay…”

We start making out again. Really hardcore. I’m feeling her up. She’s feeling me up. I’m thinking “Well, okay, if it’s just for tonight…”

We start to talk again. I ask if she wants to hang out later.

She says “Well what about your lap dance from that guy.”

She’s serious.

She didn’t realize me and my friend were joking.

“Do you know who that is?” I say. “He’s the one of the other members of the band.”

She STILL doesn’t understand that he and I were kidding.

I start to tell her, “Where I come from, this small town, we have these things called JOKES. YOU would love them. You know, some people pronounce them JO-KAYS…?”

She finally understands that I was just joking around with my friend. Then she’s open to the day 2. She even asks when I’ll call her.

I go back to my bandmates and get drunk with them for the rest of the night.

A few lessons learned:

1. I can be a fucking tool sometimes. That’s okay, we all do it.
2. Sometimes girls really don’t understand when you’re joking, even when it’s over the top.
3. If you want to do well with women, learn to do well with women. Don’t rely on something else to get you pussy. (Like being an awesome musician, getting rich, getting famous, getting lucky, etc.)


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