This post is from Hurricane Lee.
You can approach girls. You can ask for the time. You can ask for directions.
You can ask a few related follow-up questions
But you can’t transition into a personal conversation.
Sounds familiar?
You are not alone. Everyone starting out in game has the same problem.
Everyone.
Why?
Because it reveals the most fundamental fear of all: the fear of judgment.
That is what’s going on in your head. You are afraid of being judged inadequate.
While you are asking for the ordinary, no one is judging you. But when you transition to reveal your interest, you are being judged by the girl you approached.
There is no way to stop this from happening. You have to get used to it happening.
The solution to this problem is to make the next step very, very small. Instead of diving right into a personal conversation, stretch that process out into two or three additional steps. Get used to each step individually before moving on.
Recently, I had success giving the following advice to a coaching student.
After directions, make an innocuous comment. I like:
“Thanks for the help. This is a very friendly city.”
Now, repeat that again and again until you are making that comment each and every time you’ve been given directions.
After the comment, no matter how friendly a reaction you get, walk away.
Next, extend the comment by adding a question:
“Thanks for the help. This is a very friendly city. (Small pause.) Do you agree?”
Wait for her to agree or disagree, but no matter what she says, smile and walk away.
Do it again and again and again until you’re comfortable.
When you’re ready, add more:
“Thanks for the help. This is a very friendly city. (Small pause.) Do you agree?”
(Allow her to respond.)
Then add:
“You know I have this friend. When he sees people on the street or on a subway eating, he will ask them ‘Can I have the last bite?’ You know what’s amazing? No one says no. People are a lot nicer than we tend to give them credit for.”
Again, get used to this step by repeating it again and again and leaving when you are finished.
Finally, when you are really ready, the next step to a personal conversation is easy.
Why?
Because you’re already chatting about the city and how friendly everyone is.
There are several ways you can go, but the easiest is: “Where are you from? Are you a native of my beautiful city?”
That’s it. You are now in a personal conversation. And you’ve gotten there without making any big leaps.
– Hurricane Lee
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posted in Initiative and Inhibition, Rapport Skills
COMMENTS
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