How to Be a Real Man

Recently on the forum, someone posted a question.

“What must a guy do to grow up and become a real man?”

I have strong feelings about that.

It has nothing to do with how many women you bed.

Or how much you accomplish in life.

And it certainly has nothing to do with disrespecting women in general.

Or losing your ability to feel for another person.

Instead, it comes down to one single thing.

Here is the most important thing a guy must do if he wants to be ‘real man.’

If you can do this, you have become a man, mastered inner game, taken hold of your reality:

Take initiative.

That is the most important thing that a man must be able to do.

That is the most important characteristic of the leader, the alpha male, the confident cool sexy guy.

He is able to take initiative.

That initiative can be walking up to a woman and talking to her.

But it can also be any kind of initiative in any social situation.

Speaking up in a group.

Taking the lead in a conversation.

Saying ‘Hi, how are you?’ to a cashier when she says ‘May I help you?’

Sexually escalating when you are with the girl.

Being fun and playful even though you’re scared.

Dropping down into deep conversation and making yourself vulnerable at the appropriate time.

Taking initiative can mean taking the lead.

But it also means acting on your impulse, doing something spontaneously, staying in touch with your inner animal.

I have done many things in my life to ‘become a man.’

I have grown in many ways, from moving into my own apartment in New York City, to starting my own company, to countless other challenging tasks.

But the most important has been learning how to take initiative socially.

There is nothing I have ever done in my life that has been more challenging, nor given me more confidence.

I hold it up as the single thing which has empowered me the most.

By taking initiative you begin taking responsibility.

When you take initiative, you learn to deal with the repercussions of your initiative.

Maybe you creep a girl out. And you walk away feeling creeped out yourself.

Ouch. Doesn’t feel good.

But you take responsibility for that and say “Okay, I learned something. Didn’t mean to do it.”

I accept those feelings and learn not to feel guilty or ruminate over it.

And I take initiative again in the future, even though this may happen again.

I take action in the world and deal with the consequences.

A little boy walks around with the naive idea that he can be nice and inoffensive to everyone.

In reality this is impossible. Every time you take initiative to be friends with someone, you overstep some boundaries.

Every time you push past the friend zone with a woman, maybe even just hold her hand, you are overstepping some boundaries.

You are taking initiative and living with the repercussions of that initiative.

And this is not something you can just do mentally. Perhaps you are reading this post and agree with what I’m saying.

This doesn’t make you a man.

To become mature, you must actually go out and take action. This is something that happens in your body.

Your emotions are in your body, not in your mind. Confidence is in your body, not in your mind.

So by taking physical action in the real world, rather than just mentally understanding concepts, you mature.

By taking small calculated risks, you toughen yourself up to failure and build up your tolerance so that you can take greater risks.

You live through the pain and it makes you a stronger individual.

You accept all of those feelings and decide that you will accept those feelings again in the future.

And I’ll add two more things about ‘becoming a real man.’

This concept holds true for women as well.

Women have different components in terms of their ‘game,’ but the basic path of maturity through initiative happens for them in almost the same way.

Secondly, when you do take a risk and sexually escalate things with a woman you are not doing it unaware.

Being a ‘real man’ is also about respecting women and respecting the situation.

Most guys reading this could probably stand to be more aggressive, to take more initiative, and be more persistent.

But when a woman says No, that needs to be respected.

You of course can walk away if you don’t get what you want. You certainly shouldn’t stick around and get the short end of the stick.

And if she says No, you can always try again later.

But you never ever push past a woman’s boundaries when she has indicated otherwise.

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posted in Initiative and Inhibition