How Approaching Women Builds Confidence

Most men walk around insecure about their looks.

They feel bad that they can’t attract certain women because they themselves aren’t physically attractive enough.

They walk around with a feeling that attraction for women works the same way it does for men.

Most men haven’t had enough experience initiating interactions with women they don’t know.

Because of this, they can only mirror their own attraction mechanism–which is highly based on visual input-and project that onto women.

They feel that women are just like men, except that they have different bodies (female bodies) and are attracted to different bodies (male bodies).

We’ve talked many times before about how women’s attraction, like men, is partially based on looks, but is more dependent on dominance and social intelligence.

Women are simply attracted to very different things than men are.

This has been proven through countless clinical studies.

You may read this and it may make you feel better. Or you may not even believe it.

But chances are, no matter how much you read, when you go out into the real world, you still feel insecure.

You’ll still worry about your looks.

You’ll still feel bad about yourself.

The only way you start to feel better about yourself is when you take action in the real world.

Here’s how it happens.

When you first start going out and talking with women you don’t know, you get a lot of rejections. You’re very uncomfortable speaking with women.

Awkward. Weird.

Then after a while, you start to improve. You start to get a little more comfortable with this stuff.

You still get a lot of rejections, but there are a few women who are receptive to you, at least initially.

And you start to notice something.

The receptivity of women does not necessarily correspond to how attractive they are.

Some women are friendly to you–even attracted to you–when you start talking with them, and it’s not necessarily the uglier girls.

You’ll usually fuck up that attraction because you have too little experience. But you walk away knowing that you fucked it up.

She was attracted at first and you were too inhibited or you did the wrong thing.

You start to change your behavior, and more women-more attractive women-are attracted to you at first.

You change your behavior even more. More women are attracted to you, and stay attracted to you.

As you keep doing this you start to see that attraction and rejection are based mostly on your behavior.

There will, of course, be a large percentage of interactions with random women that don’t go anywhere, but of the ones that do go somewhere, it’s because you changed your behavior.

You go back and try the old behavior, and it doesn’t work.

But the new behavior gets results.

Not always an intimate relationship. Not always a date. And not always a phone number.

But you can see their attraction change based on your behavior.

This is the “realization” that comes from going out and talking with women you don’t know.

This is what separates your looks-which you can’t change-from your behavior, which you can change.

There is no way to “realize” this from reading a book.

There is no way to learn that lesson by talking to yourself, going to therapy, putting your photos up on hotornot or asking your friends a thousand times whether you’re attractive.

The only way to learn that is by experiencing it in the real world.

By seeing women react to your behavior.

And here’s the funny part.

I still know I’m not a great looking guy.

I still know some women reject me because I’m not attractive enough.

I still look at a guy on the train who’s gorgeous and fantasize about what it must be like to look like that.

But it doesn’t effect my self-esteem at all. I don’t feel bad about myself.

I meet and date some amazingly attractive women.

But more so, I’ve learned to appreciate the fact that I don’t have things handed to me because of my looks.

I would never have learned social skills to the depth I know it now if I were gorgeous.

I know when a girl is into me it’s because I said and did the right thing.

I know that it’s not my looks that hooked the girl, but my behavior.

You know how much confidence that gives me?

A lot. A hell of a lot of confidence.

-----------------

posted in Attraction, Initiative and Inhibition