Forum Replies Created
The general model is to open quickly and hit them with an ‘assumption stack’. So you say something you assume about her, and then justify it with a few little conversational hooks.
“Hey, I saw you walking by and you are so cute I had to say hello. I’m guessing that you’re some kind of artists, because you’re wearing all of these black clothes…I could imagine you playing in a band or painting some kind of oil painting.”
Sometimes you can get a little playful and flirty with the assumptions if she’s responding well. I have a few stock assumptions that I use cos I don’t want to do improv with every girl I approach. But it does help to be genuine too.
A coach taught me that approach and it’s worked more consistently than anything else I’ve tried.
A few tips on the girls walking in the other direction. You can just stop them as you get near, but it often works better to let them see you, walk past, then run up to them.
You want to run up to them leaving about a metre gap – not so close that they feel threatened, but close enough to get in their way for a second. Have your hands up and open in front of your chest. As you’re coming round in front of them and delivering your opener, keep eye contact. This is very important and my coach calls it ‘laser eyes’.
That’s all you have to do. If you look half decent and you can do it with confidence, it will work well some of the time.
I’m curious to know what your stack is Cartoox!
I’ll chime in here.
The way I interpret her last text is that she was saying that she genuinely was ‘busy’ and she wasn’t just blowing you off. She is trying to show you that she is actually interested.
Personally, I would strike while the iron is hot. Who knows what her deal is, but it could be that she has recently become available. That text was a slight IOI so I think you should re-engage.
Alternatively, it could just be that she feels bad for stringing you along and flaking..
Weirdly, I had a similar situation recently with a girl whose number I got a YEAR ago and still haven’t been out with!
Anyway, that’s my 2 cents. Good luck
This board is pretty quiet, reddit.com/r/seduction or the lovesystems forums might be worth a try.
It’s interesting to me that one girl said ‘she didn’t think it would go anywhere serious but it started’, while other girls see you as someone that sleeps with a lot of women.
What actually is your goal in all this? (be honest)
If a girl ever apologizes to me over something like that, I usually half-jokingly say she can make it up to me. This lets her no that you are still ok with her, and it sets a frame where she’s trying to do right by you.
Personally I think texts are way better than calls. Text her. Don’t ask her out on the first text, flirt a little first and then suggest a date.
Totally agree man 🙂
Oh, I didn’t mean I was offended – don’t worry!
I just think a lot of these things are similar to cliched bits of advice you hear like ‘just be yourself’. I agree it’s good not to put pressure on yourself – but how do you actually apply that idea? So much of our thinking in these situations is subconscious.
I guess being consciously aware of how you are feeling is a good starts.
As my improv teacher used to say, is there any difference between fear of success and fear of failure? You only fear success because you might then lose it.
But yeah, I kind of agree with you. Sometimes I find myself doing really well with the girl, but then I eject too early before asking for her number etc. It’s a fear of the unknown to some degree, but I think it really comes down to fear of failure. Deep down a part of you doesn’t quite believe you can get her number or whatever.
But you know what? One thing I’ve realised recently is that it’s kinda pointless to try and figure everything out. You’re never going to know exactly why you’re afraid. It’s better to just accept that life is a mystery to live, rather than a problem to be solved, and find the best tactics for dealing with your situation.
I have to say, it really gets my goat when people say things like ‘just stop caring’. That is up there with ‘just be confident’.
If it was that easy to just change your thoughts and feelings at will, this forum wouldn’t exist.
Personally, I think 5 is a good number to aim for. In my city I go to clothing, department stores and train stations to find the hot girls.
I was never afraid to go and stand next to a girl who I wasn’t planning on talking to. But practicing this step REALLY helps out further down the line when you want to talk to a girl but you are experiencing a lot of AA. You just remember your training and break it down to small steps.
Disclaimer: I’ve never actually managed to pull off a threesome
…however, some of my friends have done it. Apparently one way to do it is to actually go out with your girlfriend and approach girls together. Obviously you need to have a bit of game, and you need to be pretty bold and state what you’re looking for. I would recommend going to some kind of fetish night where everyone is dressed in PVC – people are always very open and experimental at those events and you get some really hot girls there (at least in my city).
Yes, you will need to go through a few girls and get a bunch of “no’s”. But like everything in this game, you can have fun doing it.
It is definitely a numbers game.
It makes sense to me that if you meet people in a situation where you are likely to have passions or values in common, you’re more likely to connect. We all have ‘demographics’ that we are probably more compatible and incompatible with.
However, even within your ‘demographic’, there are going to be women who are virtually perfect for you but are just not receptive at the time. But often you don’t really know who is going to be receptive until you approach.
So you are going to have to approach a few. Sometimes you ‘get lucky’ and meet someone who is receptive on your first approach. Sometimes not till your 10th approach. Then, as Frez points out, there will be some women who are receptive that you just don’t like.
For me, it’s also about my personal state rather than the girl’s receptiveness. My first approach of the day is often clunky and awkward, but by my 5th approach I am feeling much more warmed up and getting way better responses.
So to summarise, I think unless you are adept at attracting and reading approach signals, and you’re always on top form even in your first approach, it will be a numbers game.
Lee has talked about qualification on here a lot, but personally I have had mixed experiences with it. I think it has to be genuine for it to really work, and when I’m phoning it in, the girls can tell.
I’ll be in Barcelona 15th-29th July. Will be in touch 🙂
‘The way of the superior man’ by David Deida is worth a look.
Well, I think some of the really hot girls don’t get approached as much, because guys are intimidated by them. So they are really impressed when you do it – especially if you are doing something really bold. Could be wrong, but it’s a theory.
I am still not that fussy with women, I just like cute girls who are fun to talk to. I’ve tried to use some of Lee’s ideas for qualifying/challenging. However, I’ve realised that I don’t really care if a girl has the same passions as me or not, i.e she likes travel or whatever. The important things for me, outside her looks, are her values and personality traits. These things are a lot harder to screen for with a qualifying question.