Forum Replies Created
April 3, 2014 at 8:01 am in reply to: Inhibited after "big" rejections — lost my hard work & effort? #71229
Looks like I can’t really approach anymore in some circumstances — such as in a bookstore where there are staff and sometimes security guards. The anxiety (not of rejection, but of getting into trouble) is probably worse than when I started. I still can, however, stand next to her.
Looks like I just have to keep standing next to women (Step 2) like I did back then in those circumstances/places before I can talk to them again. This is rather sad 🙁
Alright, thanks guys!
And thanks for that tip, Eric! Been trying that for the past couple of days! 🙂
I don’t know what it’s like to have AS, but I, myself was diagnosed with depression, and 2 anxiety disorders (one being PTSD), meaning my fear often have much more power over my body & mind than myself.
I’m doing the Six Steps Away in a much, much slower manner, doing each step usually 30 days instead of 7 days before moving on to the next one. Have gotten numbers (and on a couple of instances, kisses), but haven’t gotten better results (e.g. dates), but I believe results should come if I keep on moving (right guys?).
So I believe, yes, if others students and I can do it, you can do it too!
I have had 2 instances in which direct works very well, that’s why I’m still trying direct out and figuring out how to do it correctly. In those 2 cases, girls went “Awww, you’re so sweet”, and pretty much after that point is their work — they were the ones who asked me what do I do, where do I live, etc.
It’s a true ‘bitch’ that would get offended by a polite stranger (irrespective of gender) making casual conversation.
You got a good point there, looks like I’ve been putting all the blame to myself whatever happened.
Some more questions:
1. What are some don’t dos to not creep women out?
2. How do I distinguish between her being genuinely friendly, or being friendly due to social norms (hiding the fact that she’s creeped out inside)? Or is distinguishing such thing irrelevant?
As a note, this whole creeping out thing never happened before I got into that one trouble with the security guard in a café whom prohibited me from flirting there from that time on. Back then, I even surprised a girl from France by making a mistake of approaching from behind, but that didn’t creep her out, merely surprised her.
@MrAntiquity2 I do sometimes feel nervous/uncomfortable doing this, and so if I stop feeling like that, it’ll reduce the likelihood of me creeping girls?
If so, how do I do something that I’m uncomfortable with comfortably — how shall I get rid of the uncomfortable feeling?
Thanks again for the tips!
Got it! Thanks Lee! Now we got the legality aspect of this down!
Psychologically, it seems like I do have the belief that: it’s wrong to make others uncomfortable.
Do you think it’s reasonable to let this belief go, or to belief otherwise (it’s okay to make others uncomfortable)?
Thanks for the response man – made me feel better!
Well, I didn’t get kicked out or banned from the location, but banned (or prohibited is probably the better word) from talking to the girls there, other than for the sole purpose of doing businesses. I assume this doesn’t make any difference legally, as long as I’m the only one who’s prohibited from doing so in their premises?
Ah, thanks Eric! Now everything makes sense.
I think I do have this bad habit of not giving myself credits I deserve.
You’re right – I take actions after all 🙂
I did more than 20 “say something”s yesterday in a bookstore until I finally managed to “stay for a while”!
Aside from that, thanks for creating the six step method, so far it’s been the most promising method than anything I’ve tried (I even took a boot camp that promises overnight change, but it didn’t work). And thanks for providing us support in this forum too!
To make sure that you get me right and I get you right 🙂
The voices I was referring to in my post are voices due to my <i>inaction</i> (e.g. couldn’t stay for a while/Step 4), not voices due to <i>results</i> (e.g. due to being ignored), which was discussed in Step 3.
So do I treat both types of voices the same way?
I got another question for you:
Let’s say, I saw a woman, stood next to her, said something, but could NOT stay for a while. So I left her.
My mind would then be bombarded with negative voices such as “HOW COME YOU DIDN’T……?” or “YOU’LL NEVER BE GOOD WITH WOMEN THIS WAY” or even “I CAN’T DO THIS”
I am unsure if these negative voices would push me, or hold me back, on my next attempt.
Should I let these “punishing” negative voices roam around my mind, or should I screw them the way I would with voices that come when I get a bad response/get ignored (as discussed in step 3)?