Forum Replies Created
I don’t mean “those infield videos aren’t going lead to anything” i mean that interactions like that aren’t going to lead to anything.
Hell–I’ve asked two girls for their phone number in the past several months (both from asking for directions, actually)–and went on 2 dates. One was great looking–the other one ok. I’m hardly a good looking guy to warrant a 2 for 2 success rate 🙂 Obviously if I up the sample size it’s going to drop to about 2%, but still…
I think we talk to much about what people look like–men and women–around here. I don’t think it’s helpful to be honest… But that said, yes, words and presence are important–ideally you’re able to join the two together.
@Lee–I dunno–most quality women out there aren’t going to be particularly impressed with some guy with mediocre interaction skills just because he’s good-looking. There are millions of good-looking guys around. They’re a dime a dozen. Unless the girl is pretty insecure, or hard up to get laid–those infield videos aren’t going to lead to anything but maybe a phone number and some casual flirting.
Honestly I don’t think these “hunks in the infield videos” really have any going for them over the rest of us. Probably less–because all they do with their lives is make infield videos 🙂
@Z also–you don’t have any audio of yourself, do you? I don’t like the idea of secretly videotaping people…but audio could be helpful.
moreover…why should numbers even matter, anyway? Isn’t the goal to get from “Not-Dating” to “Dating”? Or, more specifically, from being passive about meeting women to being active?
I mean–you’re probably not going to get to Gene Simmons or Wilt Chamberlain level. Maybe you won’t even be dating as much as your friend next door, who’s always bringing someone back to his place. But it shouldn’t matter.
Other thing about that 0 in 340 number, Z–is that it says that not only are you probably acting in some way that may be putting them off–but also that you’re not recognizing at all when they might be receptive. You need to work on reading the girl as much as modifying your own presentation.
persistent–not INsistent. Chasing is like pleading almost–“come on–give me a shot. Please??’ Persistent is more matter-of-fact–you’re giving the girl a couple of chances. Kind of like if you go to kiss a girl and she rebuffs you–that doesn’t mean she’ll rebuff you again the next time. But in that moment, you should pull back and take the “no means no” mantra seriously. Some guys say “Oh, come on. Why not? come onnnn.” And maybe the girl gives in–but that’s not really what you want. You want her to meet you because she wants to.
So insistence/chasing is kind of pleading–persistence is more dominant “Hey–i’m going to give you one more shot–if it works, great. If not, ok.”
rather than just use Lee’s line about the article–why not find an actual article (something similar), and read it first–preferably something that you find interesting– so that you’re not just making it up? I don’t know–I can’t just deliver a story about something that didn’t actually happen–unless I was obviously teasing or bullshitting her. I’d feel phony, and that would get in my way and sabotage the conversation. I recommend being as real as possible. I think you’ll get much better results. Just my thinking…
looks a bit interview-y to me. Use it to chat–not directly ask her. Not yet, at least.
Remember statements are better than questions…
After she says “Yes”, I’d start chatting. “You know…[something about the way we think, or whatever]” or “Yup–you just had that look. Someone lost in their own reverie. It reminds me of…[or whatever]”
Lee’s got his script–he’ll share it with you.
what did you say exactly?
If you just ask them almost right off the bad what they’re thinking, it’s not surprising that they won’t open up–they just met you. Looks like when Lee does it, he tells a bit of a story and then a lead in… Post a transcript 🙂
Depends on the person. If you’re naturally good at improvisational chatter–situational can be great. I really like it. My issue is that I often know exactly what I plan to say–I just don’t open my mouth. I have this internal dialogue–part of me says “Say that–now!” the other part says “naaaaah—just walk on. Some other time”. Usually the last part wins out.
Once I DO open my mouth, I don’t have much of an issue moving into personal stuff–that kind of conversation comes pretty naturally. Some people are less comfortable with that sort of interaction. For example I don’t like opinion openers. I’ve gotten numbers from them–and even some dates–but that had nothing to do with the opinion opener–it was just my ability to transition.
Just like with this “direct” stuff–some people are really sexualized and ballsy–and that sort of thing plays to their strengths. I’m more easy going, so it doesn’t quite suit–unless I REALLY feel something.
That all said–I like “Deep thoughts”. I haven’t used it myself–well maybe something like it on occasion–but it’s a good way of saying “I’m going to flirt with you–and I want you to tell me about yourself while we’re flirting. If I like you maybe it can go somewhere.” Nice subtext.
That said–I would ONLY use that approach if you 100% mean it, and you feel it. As in “I want to say this to her”.
Otherwise I like using situational things–but situational things that concern the girl herself. Such as “what on earth are you doing with that [whatever]”
Or “good lord you’re a loud walker… (if she’s wearing boots that clomp, fr example)
Or–there was one time that there was a girl with very red hair, wearin a green jacket. She was sitting at a table, and there was one of those ketchup containers shaped like a red tomato with green leaves at the top. I looked at her, and slowly turned the ketchup container over, so that it had red on the top and green on the bottom, and said “wait—the resemblance is astounding!” She cracked up 🙂
I think this direct/indirect thing has to vanish–in my opinion it’s one of the most confusing things the “community” has ever come up with. I might post something on it.
I’m 40–you’re 32. Women expect us to be mature adults. A lot of “game” tactics area really immmature–I think those should be avoided. But if you’re referring to “direct” as sprinting up the street, grabbing some girl and saying “wow, you’re so hot I’d be kicking myself if I didn’t stop you and say hi”–yeah, that sounds like something a ballsy teenager would do. THat’s “chasing”, as you put it. It also doesn’t strike me as actually direct–you’re kind of going into character to do that.
But if you say something really honest–say you see a girl and there’s something about her look that’s really enticing–there’s nothing immature about saying so. For example: “Wow. You know, this might come off as a bit forward–I don’t even know if I can say this sort of thing around here! But you have the most striking look about you… I mean–I noticed from over there. Something about your….[whatever]”
It’s honest, it’s TRULY direct–but a mature, adult direct. I’ve tried it once or twice–people are honestly taken aback and flattered by this sort of thing. Because you really DO mean it–it’s not a cheap compliment to get her to talk to you. YOu’re saying: “Wow–there’s a reason I want to talk to you–and I’m damn well going to do it.” That’s not chasing at all–that’s simply putting yourself out there.
It’s really impressive to women. I wish I were brave enough to do it more often–that’s my ultimate goal–to be able to speak my mind whenever and whereever.
I’m confused about something–if you’re ballsy enough to walk up to a random girl and say “are you sexting right now?” (which is a ballsy thing to say–I can’t do that!), then you’re probably capable of saying pretty much anything. In which case–what are you using the “deep thoughts” thing for? I can understand if you don’t know what to say–it’s a good lead in and it works well for Lee. So that makes sense.
But it sounds like you’re pretty well ahead of the game in terms of opening lines. In which case if it doesn’t feel natural to you, maybe it’s simply not a great line for you.
Just a thought…
“It looks like you’re reading a deeeeeep novel”.
“It looks like you’re eating from a deeeeeep bowl of cereal”
Thanks–glad I could help. That’ll be $50
Well look at it this way:
Delivery/presence without effective words can still get you somewhere.
Words without effective delivery probably won’t get you anywhere.
I went to see a dating “coach” once–a woman, actually–for a 2 hour session. She was extremely attractive. I said I really had trouble with “escalation”. One of the exercises she had me do was to look into her eyes, really closely, and say something completely nonsensical–without flinching. Just as if you were in a romantic drama and about to make the move. So firt I counted to 10, then I recited “Hickory Dickory Dock”.
To be honest, I think she was actually a bit turned on 🙂 She paused, and said “wow–you’re really good at this…” I don’t think it was an act. My problem was that I couldn’t do the approaches, etc. to get to the point where I COULD do that. But once there…..
So ultimately words are a tool, and they can be used effectively–but it’s really the delivery/presence that matters most.
zhel: don’t worry about whether she’s interested or being friendly. A big reason guys screw up all the time (and girls too) is getting obsessed with this. Fact is–you don’t know–and also, friendship–>interest is a spectrum that sometimes changes. I do like the idea of “assuming attraction”. Doesn’t matter whether the assumption is right or not.
As @Someguy said above, the girl DID suggest an alternative. So I like the idea of teasing a bit about it, not getting too invested–and hey–what do you have to lose a few weeks later? Maybe she’ll even bring it up–that happened with a co-worker of mine actually. I suggested a casual after-work drink, she had legitimate reasons, and I thought it was dead. A couple weeks later, she was like “so when are we going for that drink?”