[Liberator]

Killer stuff. You’re the best man! Thanks so much.

[Liberator]

Fantastic response, Eric. Exactly what I was looking for. Thanks so much, mate! I’ve been putting this into use the past couple days it’s been working perfectly.

As a quick follow up, I’ve now noticed girls do not take your advice when complimenting me haha! They will compliment me all the time; I’m so cute/hot/sexy, you’re so smart/creative/funny etc. I usually just say “Thanks!” or “Awe thanks!” then give a kiss or something if the situation is right. I generally don’t try to return it by saying the same thing back to them; show that I can take a compliment like a man and not just as an excuse to validate back.

Is this the correct course of action? I want to make sure I’m taking compliments as well as I’m giving them. It’s hard sometimes as hearing compliments feels good and you want to give it back. But I feel it’s so much more powerful if I just take the compliment and leave it there. Then, when the girl opens up to me compliment her only then much like you mentioned above.

[Liberator]

You should make that entire response into a blog post of its own. Seriously, that was deeply insightful and extremely practical. I know a lot of men want to use online (including myself) because given the choices between a shit ton of daily approach anxiety and sending out a couple messages, the latter is far more attractive. But your practical viewpoint is a harsh wake up call to those of us that use it as a crutch against our own trepidations about going out and doing it the real way.

Very well spoken.

[Liberator]

Ok so my body really is rooted the entire time? As in, it doesn’t pivot turn, fidget or move almost in any way. I should stand there like a god damn Greek statue haha!

One thing I was playing around with today which actually is been pretty effective to change her body language to match mine is pointing.

I do 95% of my going out every day on a running trail because it’s about 7 feet from my house, so most of the girls I talk to are running towards me or walking and have their headphones in. I find I have to open people walking towards me because it’s nearly impossible to stop them when they are running the same direction as I’m walking. That means I have to be looking behind me constantly which is super weird.

I make eye contact, stop them, and then point in the direction they were coming from (the direction I’m facing). I pause here, pointing, acting like I’m thinking of the words I’m about to say while my arm is outstretched. This process takes all of 2 seconds, but it makes them turn to see what I’m pointing at. Now they are facing the same way as me! I can move shoulder to shoulder with them, and then continue to open as normal.

It’s a double bonus because it breaks logical momentum. If they are facing the way they were just coming from that feeling of urgency to continue down their path is stinted. I’m finding that having people running or walking towards me do a 180 has a HUGE increase in success. They will continue to talk to me for far longer.

This stuff is so interesting and fun! I love it!

[Liberator]

This is all so helpful, Eric. Thank you.

I’ve been utilizing what you’ve told me in this thread over the past week and it’s been yielding better results. I’m still getting stuck but for the most part the path is clear.

Someone mentioned in another thread there is audio of you doing these approaches or something? Is there a place to get those? I think some real life context to all the concepts you’ve communicated here would be instrumental.

Thanks!

[Liberator]

Really good feedback – this seems all perfectly on point. Couple final follow up questions for ya:

1) Since I am on step 4 and not 5, do you recommend I integrate and use the ‘deeper scripts’ you just posted today or keep it light and fluffy with my small talk scripts for now and then move to them later?

2) How do I know when I’ve mastered step 4? The book says I’m proficient when I regularly get into ‘continuing conversation’ but in your feedback above you mentioned that almost 80-90% of conversation won’t hook. What indicator of success do you use when you’re working with such a high margin for failure?

3) I’m just curious as to why someone sitting has such a high success rate than someone walking? I understand that the one walking are in the middle of going somewhere, but I feel like their impetus to leave the interaction is the same in both scenarios. If they are sitting down they might be thinking, “Who is this guy and when is he going to leave? I’m a captivate audience – I just want to sit here and enjoy my book in peace.” where as a woman who is hiking along a trail thinks more or less the same thing, “Who is this guy and why is he asking me questions? I just want to continue with my hike.” Like, why is one a high rate of success and the other is not when both seem as equally prone to the same qualifiers and disqualifies despite logistical momentums? If there are approach situations that are better than others, can they be listed in order of rate of success? This seems like it could be an extremely helpful tool.

4) You mentioned sitting down with women at a park or cafe. How do you do this? In the book you talk about asking to sit down after using a direct approach. However, asking for directions and then asking to sit down seems like counter actions. I’m curious how you sit down when going indirect; do you just plop down and then ask for directions?

Thanks for all the answers Eric, you’re helping take the mystery out of one of the most confusing, difficult, yet rewarding things I’ve ever set out to do in my life and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. 🙂

[Liberator]

Thanks for taking the time to write that reply, Eric. There’s some really good stuff in there.

I hadn’t considered that steps 1-3 are almost rejection proof (unless you’re seriously doing something wrong) so of course when I hit a bit of resistance the immediate assumption is that something is wrong. Turns out, this is just the nature of the beast.

This is both hopeful and a bit discouraging. A 90% rejection rating sounds like a true test of commitment. Which I see now is why the book puts so much focus on one’s own personal attitude and positive take away from each interaction.

Does this percentage change or is 9/10 interactions will not hook from here on out? That sounds difficult.

As for my script, if I’m walking around outside (which is easiest since my house is a few feet away from a heavily populated trail) my go to question is one of two:

“Hey! Do you know how far down this trail goes?”

-answer-

“Cool, I’ve been trying to get out and explore the city more. I’ve lived here for years and I have no idea where this trail goes!”

-response or says nothing-

“Is (name of park) down that way?”

-response-

“Is that a good place to bring dogs? I’ve been thinking of getting a dog.”

This is usually where they seem like they want to leave and I let it go.

My other opener is:

“Hey! Is there somewhere around here to get a really good cup of coffee?”

-answer (usually points to starbucks)-

“That’s great but I’ve been really wanting to find a coffee place with a lot of character, know any of those?”

-response-

“I realized I’ve been living here for years and I don’t have a coffee shop I really like.”

-response or nothing-

“I would love to just read a good book at a cool coffee shop, read any good books lately?”

-response or usually starts to move away-

If in a market:

“Hey! Know anything about this?”

-answer-

“I’ve been trying to cook new exiting things lately. Do you think X recipe would be any good?”

-answer-

“I want to make something to bring to a dinner party. But maybe I should just get something already made, what would be good for a dinner party?”

-answer or doesn’t care and just says whatever-

“Do you like to cook?”

-response or loses interest-

—

I tried to take the things from the book and add a bit of a personal spin on it so it came out sounding more natural, but of course, please feel free to edit any/all of this. 🙂

[Liberator]

Nice I like it. That’s a slick way of going about it.

Any ideas for running into the same people on the street? I.E. People I don’t think I’ll see again, but then do and end up asking them the exact same question as the week prior?

[Liberator]

Makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the help with this one, Eric. Appreciated as always.

I’m sure I’ll keep posting more questions in the coming days as I continue to move through the steps.

[Liberator]

Thanks for the help with this, Eric. That’s all very good advice and makes a lot of sense.

I’m curious though, do you feel the email line is a bit gimmicky? The last thing I would ever want is to ‘trick’ a girl in any way. I wouldn’t want her to give me her information under the pretense we’re going to be pen pals and discuss the latest entry in Opera’s Book Club. I want her to give me her information because she wants to get to know me and is attracted to me.

I realize we’re working within the limitations of logistics of friends near by, but that should’t make us resort to tricks or gimmicks, right?

[Liberator]

Fantastic answer, thank you.

I had just assumed I needed to approach every single girl I see regardless of logistics in an effort to get my body used to the action, as mentioned in the book.

I realize now that if presented with an uphill battle and a downhill battle, simply don’t choose the uphill one if an easier option exists. My fear is that I will use this ‘logistical hurtle’ excuse to talk myself out of approaches as my brain is very clever at finding ways to tell me I can’t do something with self-talk — “Well Eric told you to not approach difficult logistical situations, and this looks like a difficult logistical situation to me so let’s just go ahead and skip this one!”

Hopefully, as I progress I will be able to discern between logistically constricting circumstance and something I simply am too scared to do.

Thanks again for the help. 🙂

[Author]

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