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Anyway, I’d still like to find an accountability partner, where we could share our experiences one on one, being more or less in the same boat. Hit me up if you’re interested.
Just now was riding in a bus. At first I don’t notice her, but after a while I see that the girl sitting in the opposite lane is quite cute. I keep reading my Kindle and watching her. After a while a guy with a beer bottle taps on my shoulder and asks me whether reading it doesn’t hurt my eyes :D. He seems still hangover from yesterday, but I explain that it’s a different kind of screen, and just then the bus pulls up and he’s not stable enough so her stumbles back :D. Me and the girl exchange glances and a smile.
Soon her stop comes and she gets up and stands near the door. I notice the drunk guys tries to say something to her, but she just shakes her head and gets off.
Now, the drunk guy had the guts to say something, but I didn’t :D. Let’s look at the possible scenarios: while we’re sitting I could have just said: Hi, my name’s X, what’s yours? Where are you going? I’m going there and there. Or at the moment when she’s already standing near the door, I could’ve tapped on her shoulder and said: Sorry, I know this is odd and unexpected, but I find you very pretty and would like to know your name and phone number, so I could see you again.
I find both of these things totally cool to do, and if I saw another guy do it, I’d be like: Hell yeah, you’re awesome! And if I did them I’d be fucking proud of myself. But somehow my emotions in the situation don’t match my conscious rational understanding. Shame and nervousness kicks in and I say nothing.
I really hope this is a gradual work and the most important thing is to be aware of one’s feelings and not beat oneself up because it doesn’t happen overnight. I hope that witch each step I’ll be closer and closer to taking action.
Btw, I have taken action before, and said I liked some girls out of the blue, and gotten a phone number immediately. But somehow just doing it once or twice doesn’t really break the cycle, so to speak.
Funny you mention therapy and telling other people about it… Because just yesterday I met my therapist and told her: Listen, it may sound silly, but it seems that the main emotional issue in my life is the inability to approach girls and express myself when I feel like it… It’s frustrating and blocking me, and stopping me from experiencing freedom in life!” We spent the whole session talking about it.
And RIGHT NOW I’m chatting to a good friend about it openly. And I’ve shared this struggle with other friends too.
As for accountability partner stories…
I just came home from a local bar where a friend had an exhibition opening. Noticed a very cute girl hanging out with two other girlfriends. Started looking at her, caught her stealing glances too. Had plenty of opportunity to walk up both when she was alone and when she was sitting with her friends. There were moments when I felt totally ready and started walking in their direction, only to stop and turn away again because, the certainty suddenly faded :D.
Then I started feeling tired and not wanting to talk to anyone anymore. So I went home, admittedly frustrated with myself. But also accepting – it’s not like I NEEDED to talk to that specific girl as if my life depended on it. I might see her again, and there are plenty others. And I felt that if I don’t feel communicative, it would be kind of forced to sit at their table and stare into distance >:).
But you’re saying “Stick to your plan even when you are tired, when you feel like crap, etc.” What do you mean?